Something's Missing (October 2002)

Theo gulped air as he tried to get a grip on his fear. Being who he was and having his abilities he could control it but he knew he needed to express himself to Natalya in an organic way. “Neither should you. You’re a person, not an animal Natalya. And I feel fine...now,” he said though that last part wasn’t exactly true. Just mostly true. He took a deep breath and just decided to begin.

“I felt and saw what you felt and saw. As if it was happening to me, personally. Your dreams bounced around alot but seemed to focus on all the bad things. There are so many...uh...bad things,” he said as his cheeks colored. “I’m here because none of this is your fault. I’m here because...I can help you if you let me help you,” Theo said.

Natalya eyed Theo much like an animal in a cage might to an intruder. Though she was a prisoner here, this was her territory. However, Theo posed no real threat to her and she could tell that he truly wanted to try and help her. She eyed him suspiciously though.

"And how exactly can you help me?"

Now it came to it, Theo had never done this before but he was more than fairly certain he could do it. But it required a willing participant. He could not force her to go where she didn’t want to go, even by suggestion. Not when a person’s dreams are concerned.

“Im frightened...uh...can we sit down, please?” He asked honestly. And he was being very honest about being frightened. When she nodded he moved and sat down on the carpet near her bed cross-legged. Once she sat he began.

“You don’t have many good dreams because your mistreatment began so young. I’ve had a good life, and I mostly have good dreams. I can see others dreams, sometimes. Including my sister’s but, if she knew she’d be very upset with me. I don’t do it often and when I do its by accident. Maybe because we’re twins?” He said. He was rambling because he was nervous. He saw that her patience was wearing thin so he continued.

“So, I can invite you into my dreams,” he began but noticed her skeptical frown right away. “Look, we are all made up of our experiences. If you have good experiences to combat the bad, they will cancel each other out. Like you and James..when you…” he began but his cheeks colored a bright red and he had to stop going in that particular direction. “Uh...I mean, love,” he said plainly. “Love and compassion and kindness. I was given these things all my life. Given them freely. My mutation allowed me to repair the damage from the uh, helmet you call it? And my experiences allowed me to push those bad things away. That is what the SSB did to you. Fill you up with so much hate and anger and paranoia that you did what you were told, like a machine. You are not a machine Natalya. You are a person, a woman who could have been whatever you wanted to be. Right now you feel that, young as you are, that this is all you’ll ever be when in fact, you have your whole life ahead...like I do. I don’t know if it will work but I think I want to try. Now, you can send me away and I will go but...please...let someone do something for you. There are no strings, there are no motives. There is only me and who and what I am,” he said as he looked at her.

Natalya, though created to be extremely beautiful and attractive, was also quite intimidating. She had dark hair and dark eyes and at the moment she knew that she looked a mess. She watched Theo as he sat down and then she sat down as well. She wasn't used to talking to children so when Theo began to ramble she felt her patience begin to run thin. She wanted him to get to point. She still wasn't certain he could actually do anything to help her. She felt an eyebrow go up as he began to explain that he could invite her into his dreams. She wasn't sure she wanted to experience the dreams of a boy who was about to become a teenager, but she began to realize that it was just his experiences that she would be receiving, versus sharing his dreams with him. Natalya's life was far from ordinary or normal and so her dreams were made up of what she knew and what had been done to her. The thought of having ordinary dreams was appealing to her and actually brought tears to her eyes.

"Why would you want to help me after what happened to you?"

Theo looked up at her and his dark eyes focused on hers for a time before he spoke. “Because i’ve seen you in a way no one else, including yourself, can. You are creative and smart and your desire to be loved is strong. For the same reason I can’t go to a zoo or a circus. Or why it bothers me to eat meat. I can feel everything from everything if I let myself. And I feel your pain inside me Natalya. I feel a person chained to a fate she did not create for herself and does not deserve. And because it is the right thing to do,” Theo said plainly but he still saw her trepidation.

“Look, my father and my sister are scientists. They use theories and chemicals, compounds and elements to do what they do. To create. I don’t have their understanding of the physical world like they do. Mine understanding comes from here,” he said as he pointed to his own chest. “And in here.” He said as he pointed to his temple. “This is an experiment. If I can help you, I can help others too,” he said. “And before you get all ‘adult’ on me. I know about...sex stuff,” he said as his cheeks colored again.

Natalya listened to Theo and she sighed. She still wasn’t sure about all of this, but it couldn’t hurt to try, could it? She rubbed her head and knew that this was the only choice she had...besides death.

“Alright, we can try it. But if something goes wrong then we stop, ok? I don’t want to hurt you.”

Theo smiled but his smile was cut short by Natalya’s irritated frown. He had her get into her bed and comfortable. He moved into the living room and sat down onto the recliner and tilted it back. As he settled himself he reached out to Natalya’s mind and slowly he drew her mind into sleep. For himself he was able to induce sleep easily. He had gotten good at that of late. And his eyes closed.

Connecting to her conscious mind was alot easier than her unconscious one. He had to grab her quick like a fish in a running river before she began to really dream. Her dreams could be hazardous to him. His mind was exposed to hers and a nightmare now could really kill him. He knew that but in this state of calm it slid off of him like he was covered in olive oil. He extended his hand to her.

“Please come with me Natalya,” Theo said. “I will protect you here,” he added as he held out his hand to her. She had to take it for this to work. He could not pull her in against her will. He sighed a relieved sigh when she took his hand. In an instant they no longer were in the space between dreams. They were inside his dream. Inside his unconscious mind.

Theo showed her the moments that made him who he was. His mother smiled down at him and sang to him as she fed him. He was a happy baby and in a high chair. They both were. Serena was next to him. He could not form words but the love he felt for the woman that fed him was strong. He took her to the moment he opened the goat pen. He was only 4 and he couldn’t stand how afraid the goats were. His compassion spawned by moments of love and kindness from his mother, his father and his sister brought him to this place. He laughed as Tony pushed him on the swing. He cried when Isabella put a bandaid on his knee after he fell off of the slide. In this place, in his dreams, she was him. And the love and joy he had felt, she felt. Something impossible to describe until you really felt it. It warmed her, covered her like a blanket. It filled her up and like a ripple in the water, everything that happened to her. The torture, the lies, the physical and mental abuse twisted as if it were all being re-woven into something else. The tapestry of her life was now tempered with the knowledge that life is not just filled with pain and hate and torture. It is also filled with love, and kindness and compassion. A mother’s love for her daughter and a daughter’s love for her mother. Isabella’s smiles and songs were for her and the smiles and excitement she felt were her own. Like a graft on a burn Theo showed her the moments most dear to him in his life. His capacity for love, affection and compassion was boundless. And in that moment she felt his love and the only thing she did to earn it, was exist.

When Theo opened his eyes, it was his mother that shook him awake. James was at Natalya’s bedside and he was looking down at her, worriedly. Steve, Tony and Serena were near the door.

Natalya did not fall asleep easily. She was trained to be always vigilant and on alert. She usually had to workout quite a bit to get herself to fall into a deeper sleep and she had not worked out that day. She didn't want to do anything to give Tony more excuses to hate her. She then felt Theo there in her mind. She didn't know how she knew it was him, but she did. She felt him pull her down into a deep sleep and slowly her body and mind relaxed. She saw him there, standing and extending his hand to her. She felt afraid of what might happen, but she decided to trust him and she took his hand and allowed him to pull her into his unconscious mind.

Images, moments, and memories flooded into her own mind. They were not her own, but she felt as if they were. She felt joy, a sense of calm and stillness, and, most importantly, love. Love was still foreign to Natalya. Feelings like love and compassion had been beaten out of her as a child. Such feelings made one weak, at least according to Tatiana. However, inside Theo's mind, experiencing the love he felt and that was felt towards him, it didn't feel weak. It felt stronger than anything she had ever felt before...stronger than anger or pain. Though these moments were not her own, they were moments now in her mind that perhaps would help start to heal her.

Natalya's eyes suddenly opened as the psychic link between them was broken. Tears filled Natalya's eyes as the memories and feelings lingered with her. She didn't fight them, but let them fall freely as she cried from the knowledge that someone cared enough about her to want to help her. She didn't know how she would ever pay Theo back, but she would try.

Isabella looked down at her son with worry in her eyes. She didn't know what was happening, but after what had happened the day before she wanted to ensure he was alright. He seemed alright psychically, but she was still concerned.

"What's going on Theo? Are you alright?"

Theo woke with a start. Seeing his mother standing over him, seeing the look of deep concern in her eyes made a thick lump of guilt stick in his throat. He had done alot of things to make what he did happen. And none of it, besides the thing he did, was good. He was going to have to answer for that. But no good deed went unpunished his Gym teacher said often.

“I’m...alright mother,” He said as he sat up. He tried to look past her into Natalya’s bedroom but he couldn’t see her from where he was in the chair. “Is...Natalya alright?” He asked sheepishly. As if he wasn’t in her apartment. Locked in but he did see his father, Steve and Serena at the door. His father did not look pleased.

James brushed back Natalya’s dark hair as he shifted to join her on the bed. He let her lay on his lap as he rubbed her hair and cried. He didn’t know what had happened. One moment he was talking to Theo and the next, he woke up from taking a nap. He didn’t talk to Natalya, he just let her cry softly and did not judge her for it.

“What’s everyone doing?” Theo asked as he stood.

Isabella stepped back a few steps as Theo stood. She glanced over her shoulder towards Natalya's bedroom. She could hear her crying back in her bedroom. "She'll be fine Theo." She led Theo out of Natalya's apartment and the door shut behind them. Isabella looked over at Serena. "Please go to your room Serena." Serena sighed and did not argue. She went to her room and closed her door.

Tony and Isabella went with Theo to their office and closed the door. "What exactly were you doing Theo?"

Theo swallowed as his parents looked tall above him. In for a penny in for a pound! He supposed. He hoped it wouldn’t be a pound of his flesh. He had a mind to be defiant to them but, Tony’s angry haze made him look down at the floor.

“I was helping her see that life wasn’t just pain and torture and hate. I...let her into my dreams. It’s something I’ve thought about often in the past but I wasn’t certain if I could do it. I know I did some things I shouldn’t. I didn’t want to lie to you but I knew if I told you what I was doing…” he said but To y cut him off.

“We would have told you no? Ofcourse we would have the last time you were connected to that woman you were comatose for over a day Theo! You manipulated your sister into creating a diversion. Theo, how could you!?” He snapped.

Isabella's feelings about everything surrounding Natalya were mixed. She truly wanted to give her the chance that Tony didn't, but she didn't want another episode with Theo to happen either. If she had known what Theo was doing she wasn't certain she would have agreed to it. However, she also couldn't help but feel also a little proud of her son for trying to help Natalya. His methods for making it happen though were not great.

"Theo, your intentions were honorable," Isabella said, trying to smooth everything over after Tony's outburst. "However, your father and I are worried about you. We just want you to be safe."

"The ends do not always justify the means son," Tony said. "And you needant lie and say you coerced your sister. She'll be punished along side you for what she did. Honestly. a diversion? That's a pretty old trick in the book," Tony said but he was also proud of Theo and Serena too. For being creative if nothing else. Still, everything they did was dangerous. "You have to compare the risk vs. reward Theo. You put yourself at great risk. I'm not certain she is worth it," Tony said and Theo looked up with a bit of defiance in his gaze.

"She needed a friend dad. She certainly wasn't going to get that from you!" Theo said angrily and Tony's eyes grew large and angry. "Ok, that is quite enough, you can consider yourself grounded sir, just like your sister! Now go to your room!" Tony barked and Theo went and slammed the door behind him. Tony looked at Isabella. "He's the only son we have Isabella, likely the only one we will have," Tony said.

Isabella sighed when Theo ended up leaving the room angrily and slamming the door behind him. How many people was Tony going to piss off today? She got up and walked over and poured herself a glass of whiskey. She did not offer one to Tony because she was still angry at him herself.

"Tony, we have to get this situation with Natalya figured out. I won't hold her prisoner in that room any longer. Either you decide to give her a real chance, or we have SHIELD come and pick her up tonight. This isn't fair to her, or to anyone else here in the Tower."

“I AM giving her a chance Isabella. She’s still alive!” He said with more force than he meant. He had been on edge since all of this started and now. Now he was beyond concerned. For his children, for his family. “You think the SSB is just going to let her go? They are analyzing the tower Isabella. They will try to find a weakness and exploit it. Her freedom is conditional. The more she has, the more vulnerable she is and we are. I don’t think for a moment you’d turn her out to the wolves if I chose to keep her locked in her room. I’m calling your bluff dear,” He said plainly. “And if you did, I think Theo might never forgive you,” he added, just for spice.

Isabella's gaze narrowed at her husband. She felt her anger growing by the second. "You're being a real asshole tonight Tony," she said as she downed her drink. She then faced him again and crossed her arms over her chest. "So, you're plan is what then? To keep her locked up in that room forever?"

Tony just looked at her for a few moments. “No, but to expand her freedoms in a slow, controlled way. As we grow to trust her, she grows to trust us. She has access to the gym as it is. What would you have me do babe? Invite her to dinner?” He asked.

"Actually yes," Isabella responded when Tony asked if she wanted him to invite her to dinner. "Natalya has done everything we've asked of her since coming here. She deserves a little bit more trust than what you've given her thus far and what you said to her this morning was terrible Tony. You all but outright called her a monster. Any confidence she may have had in her ability to be something other than what the SSB made her was destroyed in that moment."

Tony moved up to Isabella, refusing to back down. “I call it like it is. And we are all moving WAY too fast for any kind of assurity here with her. She’s a wildcard, and she could snap anytime. Would you like our kids to be next to her when it happens? I bet she could snap Serena’s neck in a heartbeat Or yours or mine,” Tony added. “You’re not going to brow beat me on the safety of our family. She stays where she is,” He said and headed for the door.

"And I'm staying where I am tonight," Isabella replied before Tony got to the door. "I'll be sleeping in the office tonight. Don't wait up for me," she said as she walked over to pour herself another glass of whiskey.