Personal Business Stardate 2258.102

Amara stood there for a moment before she stepped over to Elyse and put her arms around her. She hugged her as tears came to her eyes. "I'm sorry Elyse...I'm so sorry. I...I never thought I would become friends with anyone on the ship until I met you. I never wanted to hurt you. I'm sorry I lied...I'm sorry about everything. I know you may never be able to forgive me for what I've done and I don't expect you to...I just...I just miss having you as a friend."

Elyse was taken aback by Amara's arms around her and by what she said. And then Elyse was crying and felt herself hugging her back. "I miss you too!" she cried. Ok, so she wasn't so angry as she was just sad that she was missing her friend. After a few minutes the two women had calmed down. Elyse got them some tea from the replicator and they sat on her couch.

"I think all of the information you've provided on the Romulans will be invaluable. I also think that they'll never come after you. If they did, it would make it seem as if what you know is important. I studied all the information Starfleet had on them while serving on the Zephyr. Its always like a game of chess with the Romulans. Moves and countermoves," Elyse said.

Amara was glad when she felt Elyse hug her back. She knew then that she hadn't lost her friend. The two women hugged and cried for a while before finally calming down. Amara went to put on some clothes while Elyse made some tea. They then sat down on the couch. Amara gratefully took the cup that Elyse offered her. She listened to Elyse's thoughts about the Romulans, but she wasn't so certain that they wouldn't come after her.

"Well, I guess we'll see." She took a sip of her tea and then she set the cup down and looked at her. "Elyse, I'm sorry I lied to you about my relationship with James. I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't. James and I did meet back at the Academy. We were together for six months before he was sent to fight in the war. Then, I didn't see him again until I was assigned to the Enterprise. We tried to keep things professional, but we were still in love...and despite everything that happened and what I did, I did and still do love him. Everything that happened between he and I was real."

"You mean 'is' real from what I can tell," he said then whispered. "Your bedroom smells like sex," Elyse said just to inform her...and to tease her a bit too. "The Captain has me looking for replacements for you. And the problem isn't finding someone, its sifting through all of the candidates that have answered my query. It is no surprise to me that almost all of them are women," Elyse said. She found Kirk attractive but Leonard just appealed to her more. Elyse was more reserved and she and Leonard fit quite nicely. 'Don't think about it!' She told herself as her cheeks spotted in color. She had only been with Leonard the one time, her first time actually and she wanted to be with him in that way again and soon!

Amara glanced over at her bedroom when Elyse mentioned it smelled like sex. She hadn't noticed it before, but now she did. Amara's expression changed a little when Elyse mentioned that James was having her look for a replacement for her. She had known it was going to happen, but it still stung quite a bit. She enjoyed her job. She just sighed and nodded a little. "Can you try to find one that is either a man or not attractive?" She of course trusted James and knew he loved her, but she still didn't want her replacement to be prettier than she was.

"I'm trying to find the most capable one. I tell you what, I'll bring the top 6 and let 'you' decide," Elyse said with a grin. "All we need is to bring in another Scarlett with...bigger boobs and bigger libido," Elyse said. "God, when she first came on board I was like. Dang...she's gorgeous!" Elyse said as she leaned back on the couch and looked up. Then she became animated and turned to face Amara.

"When I found out she was with Spock...I think my jaw hit the floor," Elyse said and then she hesitated to speak what was on her mind and picked back up her tea so she didn't have to.

Amara laughed a little at what Elyse said about Scarlett. It was true though. Amara was not ashamed to admit that she though Scarlett was more attractive than she was. However, Amara was confident in her looks and knowing that James loved her was definitely a confidence booster. She knew that all of the single males on the ship had been disappointed and shocked to learn that she was with Spock. And now she and Spock were off to Vulcan to get married!

Amara looked at Elyse and she could tell that she had something on her mind. "Elyse, you can tell me anything. What's going on?"

Elyse winced. "It's just that...you were a Romulan spy when you met James Kirk. And you were still a spy when you came aboard this ship. Part of me...is offended by your relationship with him. I look up to the Captain. I think everyone does. And even though we're friends, I think he's allowed his love for you to cloud his judgement," she said. She saw Amara shift and get ready to say something but she took hold of her hand to forestall her.

"No, hear me out. when i was aboard the Zephyr, the Klingons and the Federation were at war. And we lost alot of good ships and alot of good Captains. Kirk is...well, he's the best Captain I've ever served with. And Starfleet knows it too I think. You dropped him down a peg in my eyes," she said. "I know that sounds horrible and I do take you as a friend Amara but, that's how I feel. His duty should come before his feelings," she said but she also didn't know Kirk all that well. He was a man driven by his passions. And everything stemmed from that. His attention to detail, his genius, his creativity and his luck. Amara knew that part of him all too well. She had seen it first hand.

Amara was quiet for a long time after Elyse finished speaking. She looked down at her hands. "I agree with you...his duty should come before his feelings. When I was on that Romulan ship I was prepared to die...I wanted to die. I knew that if I died then he could move on. I...I've contemplated suicide for the same reason." Out of the corner of her eye she saw that Elyse was shocked by that. "I know that I'm not good enough for him and I know that everything he's doing for me is at great risk to him. I told him not to do it, but he refuses. This isn't just a fling between us. I love him more than words could ever describe. He made me want to be a better person Elyse. He changed me...transformed me into the woman that confessed everything to him He and I share a bond that nothing could break...not even the Romulans. I would do anything for him...just like I would do anything for you and this crew. I know you don't trust me and you have no reason to, but I'm not Kaia or Saehir anymore. I'm the woman I was always supposed to be...Amara Novak."

Elyse decided to be completely candid with Amara. She might not get another opportunity. "You were never Amara Novak. The Romulans took that away from you. You're skills, your personality, they made you to be who you are. Designed to allure others to you. I find myself deciphering what you do and say. Are you just being 'you?' Or are your responses and reactions something the Romulans trained into you. "And now, we both know James Kirk doesn't always think with the head on his shoulders," Elyse said honestly. "But then I recall what you did for this ship. That you risked everything to save it," Elyse said. "Maybe you both are meant for one another. He's stupid for continuing to carry on with you and you're stupid for putting yourself at such risk like that," Elyse said. "I lowered my guard and you fucked me over," Elyse said. "But I can and have forgiven you Amara. And perhaps that makes me stupid too but I have. I have forgiven you but...but I haven't forgiven Kirk," she said.

"I know Im breaking the rules by carrying on with Leonard. But I've put my career, the ship and the people on it above everything else including him. I made that choice when I took my oaths. Kirk has put you above everything else I think. You say its for love. And yes, love is important. Its one of the reasons we do what we do. I get it. But as long as he keeps you above the rest of us, I'll always think less of him for it," Elyse said. "And this has nothing to do with you...that's on him," Elyse said. "Or...maybe...maybe you're really good in bed?" Elyse said and tried to stifle a chuckle.

"Leonard and I were together for the first time...well, the only time. And it hurt! It got better...nicer, but I kept expecting it to hurt so I didn't feel what I thought I was going to feel. That came later. He used his fingers and his...mouth on me," she said. "That felt very good," she said.

Amara became quiet and her eyes became distant. She was upset by what Elyse had said and though Elyse said that it had nothing to do with her she knew that it did. She could break things off with him...leave the ship...that is if she was acquitted during her trial. If not...well she wouldn't allow James to give up his commission. The happiness she had only felt an hour ago with James was suddenly disappearing very quickly.

Amara glanced at Elyse as she talked about her first time with Leonard. She didn't know what to say. Elyse had already said that she didn't know if she could trust what she said. "Well...I...I'm happy for you...."

Elyse turned to look at her. "I've upset you, haven't I?" Elyse said. "Oh fuck...I say things sometimes Amara. It just comes out," she said. "I'm...I think maybe I should go," Elyse said and stood up. "I'll be there, if I can, for the Trial," Elyse said then hugged Amara. She looked at her and gave her arm one last squeeze then left.