Coming back Alive (June 2013)

Isabella woke feeling tired and groggy. Tony ‘s face was above her and he looked down at her with concern. “We were all worried about you. You didn’t appear to be hurt but you wouldn’t wake up,” He said as her eyes seemed to adjust to the dim light in the room. It looked like morning and she could tell it was early. Tony held a cup of coffee in his hand and he smoothed back her hair with his other hand. He smiled.

Peter laid in their bed and faced the wall. He hadn’t spoken much since their return. He felt angry and sad and he didn’t really know why. It wasn’t Serena’s fault, he knew that and Steve said that he might be suffering from PTSD. He hadn’t eaten, barely drank and hadn’t left the bed since they got back.

Because of Peter the aliens took over the city and imprisoned the Avani soldiers. He had been considered their liberator and hero and they regaled him. They had wanted to say goodbye but Peter was not up to meeting with them. Steve and Kate were the face of the news report and even Steve told the reporters that Peter had been the hero of the day. Only 2 humans had died. Though several more were wounded, everyone else had been returned to their families.

The Fantastic Four began on rebuilding the Baxter building and Sue personally thanked Natalya formally which seemed to have alot of clout with Nick Fury and SHIELD.

Isabella slowly came to and found herself looking up at Tony's worried face. She was in their room in the Tower, but she didn't know what day it was or how she had gotten back here. She glanced towards the window and could tell it was early. "How long have I been unconscious?"

Serena was worried about Peter. She had talked to Steve and he thought that Peter might be suffering from PTSD. She had given him his space as much as possible, but that morning she walked in with a cup of coffee for him prepared the way she knew he liked it. She sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at him before offering him the cup. "Do you want to talk about it?"

“Two days,” he said as he offered her the cup. When she situated herself and reached for the cup she noticed her hand. It wasn’t the youthful hand that she had remembered when she was up in the city. It was as it was before she was healed.

“If you were wondering, they left last night. The whole city is gone. Gone back to where it had come from,” Tony said. “Natalya said you killed The Queen with a spear. When they found you you were with her and another man, her son, a Prince?” He said.questioningly. “I saved that outfit they found you in. It looks like the real deal,” he said with a smile.

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Peter sighed and turned over and sat up onto his pillows. He accepted the offered cup of coffee. He looked troubled and was troubled. He felt guilt over the men he killed and especially the women.

“I killed women Serena,” he said as he stared down at the cup. “I killed them with my bare hands,” he said softly. “This wasn’t supposed to happen,” he said. “When I came here...I came for you Serena. To start again and do it right, this time. Not to hurt and kill people...women...oh god,” he moaned as he covered his face with a hand.

Isabella was shocked to learn that she had been unconscious for the last two days. As she reached for the cup of coffee Tony offered her, she saw that her hand looked as it had before she had been captured. It had been nice to feel young again, but it felt even better to know that she was back with Tony and her family.

She took a sip of the coffee and then glanced at Tony when he mentioned that she had been found with the Prince. She thought about what she had had to do in order to gain Prince Omari's trust, and she made a decision right then not to tell him. It wasn't that she was ashamed of what she had done or didn't think Tony would understand, but it wasn't something he needed to know.

"Prince Omari believed that I was the reincarnation of his dead wife, Princess Aneksi. There was a portrait of her in the room where they put me. I did look quite a bit like her, especially when they gave them those clothes."

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Serena's heart broke as she looked at Peter. She knew that Peter did not like hurting people. He did his best to avoid it and always blamed himself if someone did get hurt. What he had to do was clearly eating away at him and Serena didn't know how to help him.

She gently took the cup from him and put it down and then moved closer to him and put her arms around him and gently held him. She was quiet for a long while before finally speaking. "You did what you had to do Peter. I'm so sorry that you were put in that situation, but think of all the lives you did save. They had enslaved people and were hurting them. You saved them. You were their hero...you're my hero."

“Well, maybe when you’re...feeling better, you can play dress up for me?” He said with a wink. Of course he did not know what happened. Obviously whatever Natalya and Logan has said did not filter into much. They hadn’t seen much.

“Natalya said as soon as the Queen died the entire city began to shake and several Avani soldiers died immediately. They ‘aged’ and turned to dust I believe they said, Tony said

———————

Peter held onto Serena tightly and fought the urge to cry. “It doesn’t make any difference what they did. I’ll remember that for the rest of my life Serena. I chose to fight them. I chose to hurt them. To kill them,” he said.

Isabella smiled and couldn't help but blush a little at what Tony said. He still had that affect on her even after all these years.

"They actually 'de-aged' me. They had the technology to make you potentially 25 years old forever. It was weird feeling that young again, but I prefer myself the way I am." Suddenly, a thought hit her and she nearly dropped her coffee cup. "Are the others ok?"

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Serena just held Peter for a long time and said nothing. There was nothing she could say. She just comforted him as best she could. Finally, after several minutes she broke the silence and spoke gently. "I'm here for you Peter. Anything you need just tell me. If you need to leave the Tower and the team for a while I will understand."

Peter shifted and sat up quickly. His eyes were large in surprise. Just her talking about him leaving made him feel sick. Did she not want him around? Was he making everyone feel uncomfortable? “Do...do you want me to go?” He asked in barely more than a whisper. And then he felt a pang of anger suddenly and shifted to put his feet on the floor. His back was to her. “If you want me to leave, you can just say so!” He said quickly and with a twinge of anger in his voice. “I don’t need to be...coddled!” He said sharply.

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“Yes?Everyone’s fine. Well, Peter is suffering from some kind of PTSD maybe. But physically everyone’s fine,” Tony assured her. “Kate won’t let Steve out of her sight but I think that will change in time,” he said. “Sue Richards and the Fantastic Four ar rebuilding the Baxter building. Only 2 people died in all. 2 people, more aliens,” Tony said.

Serena was shocked by Peter's strong, angry response and she shook her head. "No, I don't want you to go. But if getting away from everything for a while would help you then I would support you in that. Peter, you and I are a team," she said as she tried to keep the tears from her eyes. "I'm worried about you."

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Isabella listened closely to Tony as he told her about everyone else. She immediately became worried about Peter. "PTSD? Why? What happened?"

“I KNOW I’ve been a bit out of it Serena, can’t a guy just want to rest after...I’m just tired. I don’t need you ‘diagnosing’ me,” he said as he stood up and moved to his dresser to put on some jeans. He was angry, though he didn’t know why. It just bubbled out of him suddenly and without warning. He turned and looked at her. “No...we weren’t a team. I was on my own. And I…” he began but felt his anger subsiding quickly as memories of the woman he strangled to death haunted him. He hadn’t meant to kill her, just knock her unconscious. The thought of the collar being put back on him though. He heard her neck snap in his hands. He had used too much force. He flexed his hands and turned and went into the bathroom. He slammed the door behind him then began to wash his face.

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Tony sighed as if preparing Isabella. “Well apparently, they had put one of those collars on him. He had...done things to escape. Killing one of the overseers. A woman I think and well, he’s upset,” Tony said. “Serena’s with him now, she has a way with him,” Tony said. “She’ll bring him around,” He said confidently then smiled.

“He didn’t pause, he want right after you,” Tony said. “I would have but I was too busy being shot at by that ship,” he said.

Peter's words hurt and she felt herself becoming more and more upset as she watched him. As he went into the bathroom and slammed the door closed behind him she felt tears begin to stream down her cheeks. She got up and left the room. She gathered up a few things and then left the Tower and headed to Oscorp to be alone and get a few things done.

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Isabella looked at Tony and didn't seem surprised to learn that he had gone after her. "Peter is a very brave and selfless man." She suddenly got a text notification and saw it was from Serena. She read it and sighed. "Apparently Peter got upset and yelled at her this morning. She needed to get away so she's heading to Oscorp to work for a while."

Tony’s eyebrows drew up at that as he contemplated what to do. “Hmm, well that doesn’t sound very good. Maybe you could have a word with him,” Tony suggested,. “Or he just needs time to process it,” he said. “You know Serena. She feels she has to always fix things. That might not be what he needs right now,” he said as he looked down at her. He wanted to have sex but he didn’t think Isabella would be up for that just yet. It wasn’t anything ‘new’ he always wanted sex. He had just gotten her back so he was still worried about her so didn’t make any moves right then.

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Steve wondered if Kate would let him get out of bed. She had been nearly physically attached to him since he had been back. The newly designed medbot had done an excellent job with his stitches though he’d likely have a scar on his side. The gash was very long and deep and had been infected. He caught her looking at the bandage for seepage several times even after she had changed it. She also seemed to ‘sense’ something in him. It could be just his imagination but he wondered if she knew something ‘odd’ had happened. He wanted to tell her about everything but wasn’t certain how.

Isabella thought about the situation with Peter and sighed. "I think perhaps I will just let him know where she is, but leave him be. I think he needs time and space to process everything that happened. Peter doesn't like hurting people. I know he must be feeling guilty. The better person for him to talk to might be Steve."

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Kate knew she was coddling Steve, but she had been so relieved to see him alive that she didn't care if she was coddling him. He had been hurt and she wanted to make sure that he was alright. His wound had been infected, but thankfully the medbot had cleaned up the wound, stitched it, and then given him some antibiotics.

Kate brought him some breakfast and some coffee on a tray so he could eat in bed. She had brought herself some food as well so they could eat together. She pulled up a chair close to him and glanced at him slightly. She could tell that something odd had happened on the ship, but she didn't want to force him to tell her anything he didn't want to.

"Steve, I know something happened, but I just want you to know that you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

Steve watched Kate as she entered and smelled the food on the tray she brought. He was hungry, the healing made him eat more than he usually did. “Thank you,” he said. And it was ‘all’ he decided to say. ‘Thank you’ for the food and ‘thank you’ to her for not pressing him more on what happened. He hoped that it would end there but he knew Kate. Knew she would likely want to know more in time.

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Peter had gotten dressed and stepped out to get a bite to eat. Logan and Natalya were at the table eating and drinking coffee.

“Hey,” he said in greeting and Logan looked back at him. “Oh, you’re still here? I saw Serena leave in her lab coat. I assumed you went with her,” Logan said. He hadn’t really paid any attention but knew they wore labcoats when they went to work. He shrugged. “You seem no worse for ware Peter, they say you took out several of the Avani all on your own,” he said with a grin. When Natalya nudged him he looked at her. “Hmm?” He said as Peter went to get a cup of coffee. He also scrummaged in the fridge in search of something to eat.

“I did what I...I did what I had to,” he said uneasily. Even thinking about it made him queasy and he opted for a nice, crunchy apple and closed the fridge.

Kate gave Steve a soft smile and then leaned over and gave him a kiss. She pulled back and then began to eat her yogurt and fruit parfait. "How are you feeling today?"

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Natalya and Logan had both been up for a while. They had already worked out and were now eating breakfast and drinking some coffee. Natalya looked up and saw Peter walk in. She and Logan had both seen Serena leave in her lab coat and had both assumed that he had gone with her. However, it was now apparent that he hadn't. Natalya couldn't help but wonder why. Peter seemed to always want to be where Serena was. She knew that Peter had killed quite a few Avani on the ship and she wondered if he wasn't being affected by that. Peter wasn't the killing type. When Logan started to bring that up, Natalya nudged him in the ribs to get him to be quiet.

"So how's your work going with Serena?" she asked, deciding to change the subject to something else.

Peter knew what Nataly was doing and once again that spike of anger bubbled up from that dark place inside of him. He narrowed his eyes at her.

“I know what you’re doing. You think I can’t talk about it? I don’t ‘need’ to be coddled Natalya!” He said in a near growl. Logan blinked at the sudden burst of aggression in Peter’s voice and in his actions. Peter felt something wet on his wrist. When he looked down at his hand he noticed he had crushed the apple he held. The juice from it ran down to his wrist and onto the floor. When he saw it the anger remained but embarrassment add into it. His cheeks flushed but he looked at them accusingly as if this was their fault somehow. He shifted and tossed the ruined bits of apple into the sink then picked up his coffee cup. He threw it against the wall and it shattered. He moved to the cupboard opened up the door and ripped it clean off its hinges. In a fit of rage and embarrassment at being enraged he set about destroying the kitchen with the door.

Tony looked up when he heard the ruckus. “What in the…” he began and stood up.

Steve looked at Kate and shifted the tray of food off of his lap and eased himself up to stand. She was right there with his robe and he allowed her to help him into it.

Isabella heard the commotion and she and Tony got up and quickly went to the kitchen. There they found Peter destroying whatever he could with a cabinet door. "HEY!" she yelled to get his attention. Isabella did not yell and so when she did it got people's attentions and it got Peter's. "I understand that you are upset Peter, but this is our home and you cannot behave this way."

Just then, Steve and Kate walked in to see what was going on. Isabella stepped over to Steve and whispered to him. "Will you please talk to him? Maybe you can get through to him."

Steve had watched Peter as he smashed the toaster oven with the door. It caved in in the center. The man was strong, alot stronger than he was. He had seen this before, he had seen men in war and Steve knew that Peter did not need him. The man needed something else, someone else. Steve shook his head and pointed at Isabella herself.

Peter did not have parents and when he came from this other timeline he had severed all ties with that former life. He knew the Aunt May from this time but she wasn’t ‘his’ Aunt may. Not really. Peter loved her just the same but he didn’t ‘need’ her like he needed a parent right now. A shoulder to cry on perhaps? When Peter heard isabella’s voice he paused mid swing and then put down the door. He leaned over the counter on his hands as he tried to regain control of his spiraling emotions. As he felt Isabella’s hand on his shoulder he flinched. And then he enfolded her in an embrace as he sobbed on her shoulder. Not a gentle weeping. A gut wrenching cleansing sob that shook them both.

“I didn’t want to kill her...I didn’t mean to do it!” he wailed. Steve put his arm around Kate as he saw her own eyes well up with tears. Peter had been like her little brother. Maybe a little brother to them all. His outlook on life was a happy one and seeing him like this. Seeing him suffer affected them all.

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Tony texted Serena.

‘Peter destroyed the kitchen and is not crying on your mother’s shoulder. He needs you, come home’

Everyone else left the kitchen to give Isabella and Peter some privacy. Tony seemed slightly hesitant to leave, but Isabella had indicated to him that she was fine. She just let him hold onto her and she hugged him back as he cried against her. From what she understood of the other timeline, she had been like a mother to him and they had shared a special bond.

"I know you didn't want to kill her Peter," Isabella said gently. "But think of all of the lives you saved. You were in a very difficult situation, but you saved innocent lives...lives of people who were enslaved. I know how it feels to kill someone. I try to avoid it, but I've had to do it before...we all have. It doesn't make you a bad person Peter. If you hadn't been there on that ship, who knows what might have happened to all of those people. I see you as a hero Peter."

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Serena got the text message and she quickly got up when she read it. 'On my way home.'

“But how...do you know...that it was...something you had to do?” Peter asked between sobs. He was trying to get a grip on himself so he could talk to Isabella. In that other timeline Isabella had been a strong mother figure in his life when he had none. She was alot more than just a mother in law to him and because of that, they shared a special kinship between them. He went to her for advice with the children after Serena died. Peter never dated after Serena’s death even though Isabella suggested it. He threw all of his energy into his children, into being an Avenger and making improvements into his and Serena’s Arcbots. Serena had been his life and to have that huge portion of his being cut away suddenly, it had taken a toll on him. Now he felt a huge amount of guilt for the people he killed but mainly that first Overseer was what bothered him the most. He had snapped her neck though he had not meant to and it was tearing him apart inside. He had explained this to Isabella in detail as he cried on her shoulder.

Logan looked out of the door to his room. “They’re still there, talking I suspect. At least he isn’t tearing anything apart right now,” He said plainly.

Isabella gently smoothed back Peter's hair and a thought occurred to her. "Peter, does how you are feeling about the Overseer's death have anything to do with your unresolved feelings for Serena's death in the other timeline?" she asked him gently. She suspected that a lot of this had to do with that. From what she understood about what happened he had done what needed to be done. Nyx would have destroyed the world in Serena's body. However, she knew that that knowledge probably didn't make her death any easier.

Peter was taken aback by Isabella’s words. Did she knew that part of him coming here was to run from what he had done? How could she even know that? It was true though, to an extent. Everytime he looked into his children’s eyes he saw Serena. She was apart of them, a big part and he had killed her. The reason didn’t matter, not to Peter. Only the act mattered. For a split second the lives of everyone, his children, The Avengers, the world had guided the knife into her heart. But it was his hand that held that knife and no matter how much good he did, he would never forgive himself for that.

Now here he was again. His guilt-laden mind could not reconcile yet another death at his own hands. And no one alive, here and now, could ever forgive him for the one death that had poisoned his heart for so long. He needed Serena right then, badly and he pulled away from Isabella. “Could you have done it?” Peter asked softly not wanting anyone to hear. His eyes searched hers for the truth. He sounded haunted and desperate right then. “Kill your own daughter?” He asked. He would not put what he did on them though in that other timeline. Isabella could not do it. Tony couldn’t either when they had their chance. Here though, Isabella and Tony were different. He could not blame them for something that didn’t happen. And it wouldn’t happen now, thank god for that!

Isabella thought about Peter's question. It was a thought that had come to her several times since she had learned what had happened in the other timeline. Would she have been able to do what Peter had done?

"If the fate of the entire world counted on it...I can't imagine how difficult it would be though. The honest answer is, I don't know if I could have done it or not. You should forgive yourself though Peter. For your sake and Serena's. You've been given a second chance. Don't let it go to waste because of guilt."

The elevator reached the living level at that point and Serena stepped off. She saw Peter and her mother in the kitchen. Isabella saw her daughter and she gave Peter a little smile before stepping away to let them have their privacy. Serena saw the destroyed kitchen and her heart broke for Peter. She slowly walked over to him and took him into her arms.

Peter felt the crushing weight of his guilt lift a bit when he poured his heart out to Isabella. He had kept it all inside of himself, afraid to unleash it to Serena. She was young and he felt dumping all of his problems on her was just going to be too much. But, maybe that’s what he needed him to do? He knew she was tough but she had been through so much already, He felt as if he should be ‘her’ rock, not her his. He kept forgetting that this Serena was not the same as the other one. She was her own woman and he could tell she wanted to share in his happiness and in his pain. When he saw her he steeled himself. As Isabella stepped away she wrapped her arms around him before he could say anything. He saw tears in her eyes as she looked up at him and he leaned forward and kissed her.

“I want to talk to you...about everything,” he said. And then he leaned in. “But first, I want to make love to you,” he whispered. “And then we can talk,” he said. Logan shrugged and closed his door. There was nothing more to see.

A short time later Serena lay in Peter's arms in their bed. The door was closed and locked and their clothes were strewn about the floor. Serena lay with her head against his chest and her fingers lightly caressed his glistening skin. Her skin glistened as well and slowly her heartbeat was returning to normal. She wasn't going to press Peter to speak. He would start walking when he felt ready. She was ready and willing to listen to everything he had to say. They were a team, the two of them, and she would be there for him when he needed her and she knew that today he needed her.

Peter liked it when Serena was aggressive in bed and she had been very aggressive. Obviously she had felt he needed that from her and she did not disappoint. He felt her laid back against him and shift to get comfortable. He was comfortable on his pillow and as their bodies cooled off he just started talking.

He began with what happened before with the other Serena. How the guilt from that act of killing her had poisoned his heart. His children did not blame him but that only made everything worse in his mind. The parallel was that the overseer he killed had given up. He had subdued her but he feared that if they found her or questioned her she could give them away. He didn’t lie to Serena now, he told her the truth. And the truth was that he didn’t have to kill her. He did it because of what she ‘could’ do. Not for what she did and that fact was destroying him from the inside out.

“I know that the aliens I was with thought that all of the Avani deserved death but doing so would only make them no better than the Avani. I try to live my life not judging people. We don’t know everyone’s story. We only try to stop the bad things they do and protect those we can,” he said. “I felt that collar around my neck, felt the shocks from it. Felt the urge to do what I was told. When I had an opportunity to take her down, I took it and then I acted out of revenge and killed her,” he said. “She was helpless and I did it anyway because of how she made me feel,” he said. And that was the deep, dark truth of it.