Things Left Unsaid Stardate 2259.94

And so he did. When he felt her Orgasm he kissed he continued to pleasure her until he felt her hand on his head. He kissed her center one last time and then moved away to wash his face. When he returned she had covered herself with the sheet and she had that fiery, loving look in her eyes as she shifted the sheet off of her, inviting him to come and do what he would with her.

"It's ok Amara, I know you needed that," Kirk said. He needed her as well but he could wait a few more days. Just a few more days he told himself. He still looked at her body though before she covered everything back up then sank back into the pillows. He put on his small clothes and got her a cool glass of water.

He didn't know what old show they were watching but he didn't think she really was watching it. She lay against his leg as he lay propped up against the headboard and stroked her hair softly.

"I told you they'd really like you," Kirk said. "You make me really happy Amara, and that makes them happy," he said. "When we get from this mission, I want you to come to the farm with me. Just a week, maybe a bit longer," Kirk said. "There's no Vulcan Spa's in Iowa but its fresh air and open spaces," he said.

Amara knew that McCoy would likely not have approved of what they had just done, but she seemed ok and felt completely relaxed afterwards. She and James were laying there on the bed together watching an old show, but her mind was wandering. She kept thinking about what Dr. Chapel was going to tell them and she was worried. James seemed to sense that she was worried and did his best to distract her. She smiled when he talked about them going to the farm in Iowa once this mission was over.

"I'd like that a lot. I've never seen a farm before...at least not in person."

Suddenly, their intercom chimed and Amara knew it was Dr. Chapel. "Intercom on," she said and felt herself suddenly tensing up.

"Hello Amara, is Jim there with you?" She asked. "I'm here," Kirk said. "Ok, I'll beam over and be there in 5 minutes," she said. "Sounds good," Kirk said and the Intercom shifted off. Kirk got up and helped Amara into some comfortable yoga pants and a shirt. He got into civilian slacks and a dark, pull over shirt that showed off his muscles a little though most shirts he wore did, especially his uniform.

Chapel was in Uniform and she asked them to both sit down. Kirk decided to have Amara sit in his lap. Iincase whatever ti was was very bad. By Chapel's look, it certainly wasn't good.

"Ok, so, the good news...The good news is that Amara's body is able to repel almost any poison. That includes radiation. She also has increased lung capacity. Her blood cells are able to carry a hell of alot more oxygen to her blood than a normal human. I suspect once you start using your lungs more, like in distance running, that will become plainer to you," she said. "Then there is the increased cell regeneration. The Gorn don't even have it that good," she said. "And then there is the bad news," she said and she looked right at Kirk when she began gtghen shifted to Amara's eyes.

"Amara, I don't know if you gave them permission for these...alterations, but one side effect is that your body...your body can't reproduce ova. I looked in your last active scan and you don't have any. None. Its odd, I would have expected to see them but their just not there and you won't be able to produce more," she said. Kirk didn't know what Ova were but it sounded akin of something to do with reproduction.

"Jan...are you saying that...we...won't be able to have...children?" Kirk asked. "I'm sorry...but no. Her ovaries aren't producing them and she has none in her body. I could extract them and save them if she had some, but you don't Amara...I'm so sorry," she said.

Amara and James moved into the living room area and James had Amara sit in her lap after Dr. Chapel arrived. Amara listened as Dr. Chapel began with the good news, although she found that she was rather tense as she knew that the bad news was coming.As they moved on to the bad news, Amara found she was holding her breath. When Dr. Chapel asked her if she had given them permission for this alterations Amara shook her head. As Chapel began to explain that her body could no longer produce ova she suddenly found herself feeling ill. She knew what that meant before she even said it out loud. It meant she couldn't have children. She hadn't been sure if she wanted children until she and James had gotten married. Actually being married to him had caused her to think about it. She could see James as a father...as a great father, but now that option had been completely taken away from them. She found herself getting angry and upset over what Section 31 had done to her...what the Romulans had done to her. She couldn't sit there and she slid off of James' lap. 

"Excuse me," she said as she walked back to the bedroom and closed the door.

Kirk rose as Dr. Chapel rose. "Thank you Doctor. For everything. Now If you don't mind...I need to be with my wife," He said. "I completely understand Jim," she said and left them alone. Kirk didn't know how he felt about the fact that Amara couldn't have children. His career was jut taking off and they had the mission to think about. But after...he could see them as parents. Like his parents. He could but there wasn't any point thinking about that now. He knocked on the bedroom door.

"Amara...can i come in?" he asked softly. For the most part, the bedroom was her sanctuary. That and nothing happened there that she didn't want to happen. She was the Captain in the bedroom, maybe even the whole hotel room and if and when they got a place, he was pretty sure it would be like that there as well.

Amara heard James knock on the door and ask if he could come in. She sighed a little. "Yes," she said. She was sitting on the floor up against the bed. She wasn't crying, but she was clearly upset. She looked at him and then away. "I told you before we were married that I didn't think I ever wanted to have children. However, after we got married I really started thinking about it for later on in our lives. I could see you being a father...a great father. I liked the idea of being able to give a child the life that I was deprived of by the Romulans...and now...now I'm deprived of the chance to do that," she said as tears filled her eyes.

Kirk sighed and he wasn't certain how he felt right then. He felt numb like he had been hit too many times in the face. "That is something that might happen a long time from now. I will not allow our relationship to suffer for something that might never happen Amara," Kirk said. He was proud that his voice didn't crack. But he was more worried about Amara than the loss right then. There was always time for tears. and she was so fragile in his eyes. Like a hand blown glass. She was unique and beautiful and delicate though he knew she was as tough as nails. Well, to everyone else she was. He slid onto the bed above her and buried his face into his pillow.

Amara continued to sit down on the floor. She eventually laid down and curled up into a ball as quiet tears slid down her cheeks. At some point she fell asleep. She didn't realize it until the morning, but James eventually picked her up and put her into bed. He put the covers up around her and then enveloped her into his arms.

While Amara slept James had gotten up to use the bathroom. He didn't know what time it was but as he was washing his hands he looked into the mirror and saw that he was crying. He touched his face in disbelief. He didn't feel as if it was him. It felt as if he were looking at himself from outside of his own body. Who was this man who fell to his knees just now? It wasn't him, he was an officer. The Captain of the Enterprise. This was James T. Kirk! He covered his face as pulled himself up and splashed cool water over his face. His back shook as he wept into the basin. The water was running and he had stifled his weeping as much as he could. When He got a whole of himself, he washed his face again and dried it. He gave himself one last, look in the mirror and then turned off the light as he curled up against Amara once more.

The next morning they both spent more time than necessary in the shower. They just held one another as the sonic waves cleansed their bodies. It felt good...soothing, the sonic showers always did. There was no talking just them standing their, holding one another.

Kirk had decided on Amara's favorite place to eat. It was an old-fashioned diner. He was tempted to just order one of everything for them but he didn't want to let on to his parents the blow that they just had. This was their cross to bare and no one else would know.

Just like before there was alot of hugging and cheek kissing like last time and they sat in a booth seat. They had coffees and orange juices and even danishes before they finally ordered. His mother had a present for Amara. It was wrapped in silver paper and tied with a gold ribbon. It was a framed 5 x 7 picture of James when he was a toddler.

Amara would never tell James, but she had heard him weeping in the bathroom. She had decided to let him have his tears. He deserved them as much as she did. They had both been dealt a serious blow and it was going to take time for them to recover...if they ever would fully. When James came out of the bathroom she was still in the same spot. She felt him get back into bed and felt his arms encircle around her once more. She breathed in his scent and slowly fell back asleep.

The next morning, they rose and got into the sonic shower. There were no words spoken. They just stood there, holding each other and letting the water wash over them. They dressed and headed to the diner. Amara was glad that James had chosen this place. They needed...comfort food. Amara still felt...numb, but she forced a smile and stood up when his parents arrived. They hugged and George kissed her cheek and then they sat down. Beverages were ordered, but before they ordered breakfast Winona handed Amara a wrapped gift. Amara slowly opened it. When she saw what it was her heart nearly stopped in her chest. It was a picture of James as a toddler. Amara wanted to smile...she wanted to laugh and talk about how cute he was...but all she was thinking was how she didn't have any pictures of herself as a toddler and that she would never have any pictures of her children. She felt Winona and George's eyes on her and she fought the urge to cry. She refused to break down in front of her in-laws.

"...He was so cute as a baby...."

James sensed the dam about to break and he leaned over and kissed her cheek. He squeezed her hand only to find out that she squeezed his in return...hard. "That's so nice of you both, thank you," Kirk said. "He was such a good baby...well, until feeding time got close. God forbid the food was late!" she said. Kirk's cheeks colored in embarrassment. "Well thanks mom...I really appreciate her knowing that," he said.

"So while we're on the mission...we can pass messages through sub-space. They might take a few days, more depending on how far out we are but we'll get them," he said. "Well, I won't ask you to take care of yourself...but I will ask to take care of our new daughter James," George said with a smile as he looked at Amara. "Oh yes, both of you take care of each other," she said.

-----------------------

Michael, Katherine and Silas had just gotten off the tram. Yorktown station was larger than anything they had even seen bore. looking up was another city, only upside down. In fact, the who circumference was inhabited. The dome was so large that their eyes couldn't see it. They all had suitcases and the rest of their things would be brought by transporter to their rooms. Silas had his own room but that had made Michael and Katherine nervous. Silas had become somewhat of a screw up. He was an undercook at a French restaurant in New York. He had gotten into taking drugs and he lost his seat at the academy. He had been arrested for malicious destruction of property and assault and restaurant work was all he could get. Turning him loose in a place like this...was not something they wanted to do and they certainly didn't want to leave him alone in New York. He and Scarlett were twins but it was clear where the best genes had gone.

As breakfast progressed, Amara slowly began to relax and calm down. Eating something full of carbs helped, as did James' constant presence next to her. He was her rock and she was his. Together they gave each other the strength they needed. 

"So, I want to hear all the embarrassing stories about James so I can use them as blackmail against him later," Amara said with a little smile. 

------------------------------------------------

Scarlett had told Spock that she was inviting her family to visit while they were at the Yorktown station. She hadn't seen them in several years and this would be the last time she would have the chance to see them for a long time. Her parents had met Spock once before when she was still at the Academy, but they hadn't been able to attend their wedding. Scarlett had gotten them two rooms that were right next to each other. She knew that Silas was going through a rough patch, but she wanted to trust him. Spock had not yet met her twin brother, but she had told him about Silas. She worried about her brother and she felt he had a lot of potential.

She and Spock were in their hotel room. She knew that her family should have arrived by now and they had her and Spock's room number so they were just waiting for them to arrive.

"Oh god," Kirk moaned as Winona greedily rubbed her hands together.

-----------

Michael hit the door chime and the three of them waited for the door to open. Once it did they were not surprised to see Spock. "Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Wright and Silas, come in please," Spock said in an expressionless tone. He ushered them all in and closed the door.

"Princess, your family is here," Spock said loudly. He had never called her that before and was trying to be funny. Without expression though it came off kind of odd. Like he was a servant, not her husband.

"Well, a proper butler would take our coats and offer us a drink," Silas said. "A beverage...what would you prefer?" Spock asked. "Whiskey, straight up," Silas said and Michael sighed. "Hello again Spock and please ignore Silas. Alcohol...of any kind, is not on the menu...for him," Michael said dryly. Silas sighed and looked up toward the ceiling.

"Spock, would you have 2 holding cells in this room? 2 preferably. Because I've got 2 men that I'd like to lock up and throw away the key," Katherine said.

Scarlett had stepped into the kitchen to put together some snacks. She was certain they would all be hungry and she wanted to have something to offer them. She heard Spock call to her that they had arrived. She heard what he said and she knew he was trying to be funny, but if someone didn't know Spock as well as she did she knew things like that could just come out rather...awkward. 

She stepped out of the kitchen and smiled as she saw her parents and brother. She hugged her parents and then hugged her brother, even though he didn't hug her back. She then looked at Spock.

"Spock, this is my brother Silas. Silas, this is Spock," she said to introduce the two.

Spock shook Silas's hand and Michael's and Katherine's as well. He wasn't much of a hugger. Except when Scarlett was giving them. Then, he was a proverbial hug sponge. "Shall we?" Spock said as he gestured toward the large dining room table. They all sat and there were cookies, tea and coffee.

"So...Scarlett, we've heard about...this trouble with someone named Khan," He said. "You lost...people...I hear?" Katherine said delicately. "Did you...lose someone...close?" Katherine asked.

They all sat down and Scarlett brought out the beverages and some cookies. She had made them herself. Scarlett enjoyed baking (it was technically a science after all), and she was quite good at it. Scarlett looked over at her parents when they mentioned what had happened with Khan.

"We unfortunately did lose several crew members and we may have lost many more if it hadn't been for Amara Kirk, the Captain's wife. She very nearly sacrificed herself in order to get the warp drive going again so we could get away from Khan. She should have died from the radiation exposure and we thought she had died, but something was done to her...something I'm not at liberty to talk about...and it ended up saving her life. She's almost fully recovered now."

"Oh for heaven's sake!" Silas said. "It's so wonderful Scarlett. That where ever I go I can sit down to a meal and hear about your successes and heroics," Silas said rudely. "Silas, that is not very nice, apologize to your sister. At least 'she' works hard and believes in something," Michael said. "Gentleman, perhaps you'd like to see Yorktown Station? Starfleet...:" Spock began. "For the love of...Starfleet, Starships, The Klingons, the Romulans. Jesus!" Silas said and got up from the table. "I'm tired of it...Tired of it!" Silas said angrily.

Spock stood up. "It was nice to meet you Spock, nice ears...love the tan," he said and headed toward the door. Scarlett's parents were horrified.

Scarlett was shocked by Silas' outburst. She knew he had been going through some things, but she had not been expecting that. She loved her brother and cared deeply about him. The things he said were not like him. She stood up and quickly followed him to the door. "Silas...please stay. I haven't seen you in so long."

Silas paused. He did love his sister but he was ashamed. An Academy washout, convicted of crimes though his parents had gotten him community service. He was a nothing and a twin to an everything sister.

"I don't mean to be rude Scarlett," Silas said as he turned and briefly hugged his sister. "But I think our parents wish you were an only child," Silas said but his eyes looked sad and angry and he headed out the door.

-------------------

"I wish we could have been to the wedding. We've never been to Vulcan," Katherine said. "Well, if you want to see Scarlett's dress, you can ask her. We have it on display in our quarters in our bedroom," Spock said.

Scarlett could do nothing but stand there and watch her brother as he left the hotel room. She knew he was upset and angry and for the moment she felt that leaving him alone was the best course of action. She sighed and walked back into the dining room and sat back down. She no longer felt hungry. "He has so much potential. He's obviously lost and I wish I knew how to help him."

Michael sighed. "We've tried. We've cashed in every favor and good will that we can to keep him out of real trouble. He's held his most recent job but he's not happy. But he's made his bed and we've done all we can. A thankless effort, he throws it in our faces," he said. "Michael...he's your son and he knows he's ashamed and embarrassed you," Katherine said. "Well...should I approve of assault, destruction of property and washing out in his first semester from the academy?" Michael said as if he had said it many times.

Scarlett could sense the mood of the room dropping quickly. She was upset about Silas, but her parents were here and she wanted to spend time with them. "Would you like to see the Enterprise? Spock and I could give you a tour." 

When they agreed, they headed to the Enterprise. "There are a lot of repairs happening so watch your step," Scarlett warned them as they headed inside and began to walk around. They soon came up to the bridge. "And this is the bridge," she said as the stepped off the turbolift.

Michael and Katherine had never been on a starship bridge. An old one at the Smithsonian, but nothing like the Enterprise. "And you say they're building bigger ships than this one?" Michael asked. "Slightly larger Mr. Wright. More powerful with a longer range," Spock said. "The downside is that I fear Starfleet is being influenced by fear and as a result, they're building larger, more powerful ships to stand toe to toe with the Klingons," Spock said. "I lament to the lack of better exploration ships, like the Enterprise. This ship is a refit of a Heavy Cruiser. Scotty's personal modifications not with standing. But it is 'our' ship and we're quite proud of her," Spock said.

Michael chuckled. "You talk like the Enterprise is some sort of person," he said. Spock looked at Scarlett for help with an explanation.

Scarlett smiled as she listened to Spock talk about the Enterprise. Everyone who worked on this ship seemed to be taken under her spell, herself included. When Spock looked at her for an explanation to her father's statement she looked at him. "Humans often personify inanimate objects if we are particularly fond of them. We spend so much time of this ship it is impossible not to think of her as a member of our crew."

Katherine smiled at Scarlett. "Spock mentioned that you might show us your wedding dress." 

Scarlett nodded. "I would love to." She and Spock led the way to their quarters. They didn't normally let anyone other than themselves into their quarters. If Kirk came to talk to Spock he would step outside into the hallway, or they would go to the ready room. Their quarters were their sanctuary and the place where they truly expressed their feelings for one another. It was intimate and private and they tried to keep it that way. However, in this case they were willing to make an exception to this rule. Their quarters were exactly as one might think for two scientists. Lots of books, although they made it a habit not to bring their work into their quarters with them so there were no pieces of equipment. There were some personal effects, mostly Scarlett's, but there were a few Vulcan touches as well. Scarlett's dress though was on display in their bedroom. Scarlett felt a little awkward standing next to the bed where she and Spock spent their nights together. Just being in their bedroom was enough to ignite feelings of passion...in both of them. She could sense it coming from Spock as well and they shared an intimate glance between them. She even saw the slightest hint of a smile from him.

"My, its lovely, I especially love the head dress and necklace, it was nice of Sarek to give you away," Kathrine said. "Sarek is...sometimes more human than he believes," Spock said. Spock was certainly not himself today. The way he spoke of the ship, the way he spoke of his father. He was acting more like a human for her parents benefit.

"And what is this?" Michael asked. In the main room there was a small triangular closet. "These are effects that I use during my meditations. I've been helping Scarlett with PEM, Pacification of Emotion Meditations. People tend to 'distract' her and the meditations help her to focus. Along with our 'other' nightly rituals," he said neutrally. Scarlett was a very passionate woman and though he knew he frustrated her to wits end sometimes, they always came to bed and pleased one another. He was thinking of a particular way she had pleased him most last night and it excited him for her to do it again tonight. The feeling was...quite strong in him right then.

"Does it help?" Katherine asked Scarlett. "I was so worried, you being there, working by yourself. You did say there were others but they were techs and security. You were there, day after day in your own thoughts. And," She began. "She married a Vulcan who suppresses his emotions?" Spock answered. But not in an angry way. "Oh Mrs.Wright, I may not show emotions but I do have them, as Scarlett can attest," Spock said.