What A Life Is Worth

Logan was rushed into surgery and Tony, Isabella and Serena stowed their suits then waited with Natalya and Gambit in the waiting room. Nick wanted to talk to Kate and Steve wanted to talk to Nick as well.

Nick closed the door behind Kate and Phil stood outside and spoke to Steve. “So you going to tell me what you learned or do I have to ask?” Nick said. “I was hoping you’d have something on the Professors notes. Instead you show up, empty handed with a dying wolverine and let me guess, you expect ‘US’ to burn our resources on him for zero gain...does that pretty much sum it up? What did you find out from Viper?” He asked completely unconcerned for Wolverine. Nick never much cared for Wolverine. He was always uncooperative, difficult and a general pain in his ass. The formula was so close he could taste it and Kate was not doing what he needed her to do.

Natalya was upset, but tried to remain strong. Isabella tried to get Natalya to sit down, but she wouldn't. She just paced back and forth as she waited for any news. He was going to be alright...he had to be. This couldn't happen to her...to them. Not after everything...not after they had finally found happiness...together.

Kate walked with Nick into his office and he closed the door behind him. She remained standing with her arms crossed over her chest. She listened as Nick spoke, but she felt her anger rising every second. "Logan could be dying and all you are concerned about is the formula? How about showing a little compassion Nick. Logan has helped out SHIELD dozens of times and this is the thanks he gets? Why do you want the formula Nick?"

“As a failsafe Kate. I’d expect you to understand that. With all these copies of the formula...what would you do if someone recreated the formula and they weren’t on our side?” He said. “Now I shouldn't have to explain myself to you agent Blackwell. And SHIELD isn’t in the business of taking care of everyone dropped on our doorstep Kate,” he said in obvious irritation.

“And why do we need to keep the copies of the formula?” Kate asked as her voice began to rise. “Why not just destroy them? Then no one could get their hands on them. Isn’t that what you want? To keep the formula out of everyone’s hands? Or is it that you want to keep it out of everyone ELSE’S hands?”

“I just told you Kate. We dont know if there are any other copies out there. We do want them all destroyed but if we keep one and someone we don’t know have it then we’re covered. Now we are going to save Logan but we want to know what you’ve learned from Viper,” he said.

Kate just looked at Nick for several long moments. She knew now in her heart that the organization had changed. Or perhaps she had just been too blind to see it. Had she been fooling herself for sentimental reasons because this was where she had grown up? Would her parents agree with the things SHIELD was doing now? She wasn’t sure that they would and she could not keep pretending that she did anymore.

“I officially tender my resignation Nick,” she said before she turned and walked out of the room. Phil and Steve were there and judging by the looks on their faces they had overheard the conversation. She didn’t say anything but she walked past them and down the hallway.

The surgery took 14 hours and they had to use a robot to shift the bullet back to where it entered his head and then slowly and accurately pulled it out. Once it was out Logan healed but he hadn’t woken up though several brain surgeons deliberated on what the damage might be. They let him have visitors but Isabella asked if Natalya wanted to see him alone for a while.

Natalya didn't say anything during the entire time that Logan was in surgery. She didn't rest, she didn't eat, and she barely drank anything. She just paced back and forth. At one point she went into the restroom and cried, though when Isabella came in to check on her she quickly stopped and then left. When she learned that the bullet had finally been removed and he had healed she was so relieved she felt she might start crying again. However, that relief was short lived when the doctors then told them that he hadn't woken up. She wanted to see him though and stepped into the room where he was being kept and slowly walked over to his bedside. She sat down on the bed next to him and took up his hand into her own.

"That bullet was meant for me," she said gently. "And yet here you are lying here. You've saved my life twice now Logan. I need you to come back to me so I can repay you. You know how much I hate being in debt...especially yours," she teased and even cracked a little smile through the tears in her eyes. The smile faded quickly though. "Please don't tell me that our relationship was only meant to be for a day. I want more than that...I need more than that. I need you...I need you so much Logan. Please just give us more time."

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Kate had just been wandering around SHIELD for a while. She felt...lost. She honestly didn't know what she was going to do with herself now. She was helping out the Avengers now, but she couldn't presume that they wanted her back on the team, not after she had just left. She had walked out onto the roof to look up at the stars. It was nearly dawn and the sky was just starting to lighten up. It was quiet and peaceful up here and she felt like she could truly breathe. She closed her eyes and breathed in and then out slowly.

Steve has been asking everyone where Kate went. He had lost her in the halls but an agent, he did not know her name had seen Kate go up the stairwell that led to the top floor and roof. He had guessed that she had wanted to be alone and also to be alone that she would be on the roof.

Being back at SHIELD again was not easy for Steve.his disenchantment had come slowly but not as slow as Kate’s. It wasn’t any less painful though. And he knew how important SHIELD had been. For her it had been home and both of her parents had been SHIELD agents and she had grown up here.

He found the access door to the roof and he stepped out onto it to a starlit sky...and Kate who watched him come toward her. He stopped next to her and looked out onto the horizon. “I heard what you said and I think you were right. We need to destroy the formula for good but that’s not why I came up here,” he said as he turned and looked at her.

“I know how important SHIELD has been to you Kate. Take a moment and really think about what you really want before you walk away, ok?” He said softly and looked at her with his bright blue eyes. He was still in his Captain America outfit.

—————-

As Natalya held Logan’s hand she felt his fingers twitch. That and his lips curled into a smile. Logan could tell someone was in...well, he wasn’t certain where. He recalled...he remembered...what did he remember? He remembered being in Canada cutting trees with an axe. He remembered being cold and he remembered...his name. What was his name? Logan was his name. He remembered that. He opened his eyes.

Kate heard the roof access door open and then close. She knew before she even looked who it was. As she opened her eyes and looked over she saw Steve walking towards her. He came up to stand beside her and she looked over at him slightly and listened to what he said. She was quiet for a while before responding.

"I have thought about it Steve," she told him as she looked into his eyes. "I have been thinking about it for a while now. I have been holding on to this place because for a long time it was the only place and life I knew and for a while I believed in what SHIELD was doing. But over time that has changed. It's hard letting go, but I need to let go and walk away."

She sighed and looked away. "What I am going to do now or where I'm going to go I don't know though."

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Natalya suddenly felt Logan's finger's twitch in her hand. She drew in a sharp breath at that, but then breathed out when she saw his lips curl up into a smile. When she saw him open his eyes tears of relief filled her own.

"You gave me quite the scare...please don't do that again."

“Don’t you?” Steve said as he looked at her. “I’ve never stopped loving you Kate,” he said as he looked at her. “Never,” he whispered.

—————-

Logan looked up and smiled as his eyes focused on the woman who held his hand. He didn’t know her and wondered if she worked here...where ever here was. “Where am I, I don’t remember this place,” He asked as he looked around his room. “Do you work here? I don’t know how I got here,” Logan said.

Kate looked back over at Steve with tears in her eyes. She had dreamt of this moment for so long, but she had never thought it would actually come true. "I love you too Steve." She was then in his arms and he was kissing her. She wrapped her arms around him and held him against her as the kiss continued. She knew in that moment that although her parents were gone, she would always have a family.

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At first, Natalya thought what Logan had said was a joke and she started to laugh, but she quickly realized that it wasn't a joke. There was no recognition of her in his eyes. The feeling of relief Natlaya had felt only moments before had now disappeared and had been replaced by a feeling of horror.

"Logan...it's me...Natalya Sokolova. You were sent by SHIELD to kill me, but you spared my life. We're best friends...partners. I...I'm in love with you. You have to remember me."

Logan wasn’t a fool and the woman filling his vision was beautiful. ‘What did she say her name was? Natal-ya Soko-lova?’ It sounded slavic or russian maybe. The comment about him being sent to kill her made his smile fade quickly. Logan knew what he was and how Stryker had manipulated him. He also remembered the searing pain of the Adamantium being injected onto his bones. He ofcourse knew about his other abilities and how Stryker tried to control him. He had been a lumberjack in Canada before all of that. Yes, he remembered that to and how his girlfriend had been murdered.

Suddenly his neutral expression turned into a worried one. “So where are we Natalya?” he asked beginning not to trust her. ‘She could be working for Stryker and this doesn’t look like any hospital I’ve ever seen.’ he thought. “You said, we’re at...SHIELD? Where is that?” he asked trying to remain patient. ‘She might not be involved at all, I’ll just play along and get more information,’ He decided but it was not easy to just lay there when they could be trying to figure out how to control him. ‘If there even is a ‘they’. He wondered.

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Steve sat and held her in front of him. He held her up against him as they looked out into the starlit sky. He considered waiting to ask her until she was acclimated back into the tower but he had thrown away to many years with her already. She felt him dig into his left side as if he were fishing into his pocket. He fumbled for her left hand and she felt something cool being slipped onto her ring finger. It glittered in the dim light. “I’ve been carrying that around since you left,” he said. “I don’t want to carry it anymore but I do want to marry you. Will you marry me Kate?” he asked hopefully.

Natalya's feeling of horror was rising by the minute. This was a nightmare...it must be a nightmare. She was going to wake up at any moment in Logan's arms. But she didn't wake up. The total lack of recognition in Logan's eyes as he looked at her made her feel horribly sick to her stomach. She had never felt more alone in her life than she did in that moment.

"We're at SHIELD HQ in New York. You're in the hospital. You were shot in the head by a bullet that was able to pierce through your adamantium skeleton. I...I'll go get a doctor," she said as she quickly got up. She needed to get out of this room. She felt like she couldn't breathe. She walked out and Isabella and Tony looked at her and saw how pale her face was.

"Natalya, what's wrong? Is Logan alright?"

Natalya looked at them as tears came to her eyes. "He doesn't remember me."

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Kate rested on Steve's lap and for the first time in a long time she felt happy. She no longer felt lost or alone. She had Steve again and this time she wasn't going to let anything come between them. She felt Steve digging into his pocket and then a moment later he picked up her left hand and slid a diamond ring onto her ring finger. She looked down at the ring as she felt her heart beat beginning to increase and tears come to her eyes. It was a large Marquis cut diamond of the purest clarity that was haloed by smaller diamonds with diamonds on the band. She nearly gasped when she saw it because she could tell it was a very expensive ring. It made her want to cry to realize that Steve had been holding on to this ring for almost three years.

She turned and looked into his eyes with tears shimmering in her own.

"Yes, Steve...I will marry you."

Both Gambit and Serena stood when Natalya came into the waiting room. Tony and Isabella had moved up to her and they doubted they had ever seen Natalya as distraught as she was right then. She looked horrified and isabella wrapped her arms around her immediately upon hearing what the woman said. “I’ll go...check on him,” Tony said. “And someone find Steve and Kate,” He said though he looked toward Serena and Gambit.

“I’ll go,” Gambit said. He felt Serena take hold of his hand as if the raw emotion on Natalya’s face had frightened her. He squeezed her hand and then promptly left the room.

Tony left the room as well and went into Logan’s room. “Hi Logan,” he said in his usual upbeat tone and Logan looked over at him. “Hey, I think I know you!” He said as if knowing people was a new thing for him. If what Natalya said was true, he might not know even where he is. “Yes, I’m Tony Stark,” he said as he stepped up to him. It had taken a while to explain but Tony laid it all out for him. Every scrap he thought was necessary for Logan to at least know where he was, why he was there, who he had been, in a general sense and who they all were. He decidedly left out the bit about his budding relationship with Natalya. That was for her to decide on how to handle that. If it even could be.

Both Serena and Isabella had a hold of Natalya and they helped her take a seat on the couch. “It’s not going to be permanent Natalya. Nothing about Logan’s injuries are,” She said trying to soothe her. “We could...talk to uh, Professor Xavior? We all know he helped Logan before...when something like this had happened to him,” Serena suggested. It was a hopeful suggestion that had real promise.

Kate was in Steve's arms and they were kissing when Gambit found them. They heard someone come out onto the roof and they paused and looked over at Gambit. He would know that he had interrupted something. Kate and Steve stood up to face Gambit and Gambit would see the ring on her finger. When Gambit explained what was going on with Logan Kate could not imagine how Natalya must be feeling. They followed Gambit back to the others and found Isabella and Serena with Natalya. She joined them but not before taking her ring off and tucking it into her pocket. She didn't want Natalya to see it...or the others at this point. This needed to be about Logan and not about Steve and herself.

"I'm sure everything is going to be alright Natalya," Kate said in an attempt to reassure her friend.

Natalya sighed and shook her head. "And what if it's not? What if he never remembers me? That...that bullet was meant for me," she said as tears came to her eyes.

“Then you’ll just have to bring him up to speed Natalya,” Isabella said. “You are who you are still and he is still Logan. And he is still just a man,” Kate said with a smirk and she glanced over at Steve a moment. Steve and Gambit looked at one another as well and looked as if they wished they could be somewhere else right then.

“We are jumping at shadows because of fear,” Isabella reminded them. “Amnesia is rarely permanent so we take him back to the tower and acquaint him with his life. I know this is going to be difficult Natalya but you aren’t alone in this. We all will help remind him of who we are. We are your friends,” Kate said softly. “And..I’m...going to be there with you,” She said but didn’t go into the how or why of that.

“I could...approach...Professor Xavior or Jean Gray,” Gambit said. He ofcourse could not know that Logan had told Natalya all about his past with the woman. And how much he had loved her. “We’ll get him back Natalya. You’ll get him back, I know you will,” Kate said confidently as all 3 women huddled around her.

Natalya wanted to cry but she held back her tears. She needed to be strong for Logan and help him instead of wallowing in self pity. This wasn’t about her. It was about Logan and helping him. He would get through this...he had to get through this. She would be there for him the way he was always there for her.

She looked over at Gambit when he suggested they contact Professor Xavier or Jean Gray. “No...at least not right now. Let’s see what taking him back to the Tower does to help him first.”

Not two hours later Logan was released with a clean bill of health. Dr. Griffith, who had been appointed Logan’s doctor was one of the best brain surgeons in the world. He had spoken to them about what had happened. He could not factor in Logan’s particular healing abilities but he deemed Logan’s chance for a full recovery of his memory at 50%. Gambit took that bet though he knew of Logan’s abilities and of the man’s luck. It was a safe bet in his eyes and Serena knew already that he was terribly lucky. In cards and with women. He was with her, after all.

On the Jet Logan didn’t say very much but they put Natalya next to him and Steve and Kate piloted the plane. They were in the far back seats and Gambit and Pharaoh were the only others in the plane. Logan had all sorts of questions and though Natalya was not much of a talker, Logan did not know that. He asked about the others. Who they were and who they were to her and to him. It forced her to have to talk to him and be a sort of guide for him back to himself.

After they landed he could tell that she was unhappy. He was reminded of what she had said at his bedside and her sulky reactions to him made him wonder if they had been...together and possibly lovers? She was a beautiful woman and he had truly wished he could remember that if it were true. Gambit and Serena gave him the tour of the tower and Gambit explained that they were old friends as well. He suggested that he and Logan do some sparring tomorrow. Logan agreed then decided to return to his room.

Blessedly alone, it was not easy to be patient or kind to these people, these...strangers, he moved around his room. He wasn’t a particularly sentimental person judging by how spartan his room was. He turned on the tv and flipped through the channels. There was something extra on these new remotes and that was another surprise to him. The advancements in technology. Everything was so new and almost nothing resembled what he had been used to. Even the kitchen stove looked intimidating and it was just a stove.

The main problem was he didn’t know what the hell he was even doing there. He had seen Tony Stark’s image before. He knew that, on a magazine maybe. But the rest? He ‘knew’ of Captain America but didn’t ‘know’ him. What ‘was’ he really doing? They had let him leave the hospital though. If they wanted to capture him they easily could have and they showed him how to use the elevators and his keycard. He could leave at any time so why was he just sitting here? Well he knew the answer to that though when he realized it he was honestly surprised. ‘A pair of dark eyes’. He admitted. The haunting looks Natalya had given him. As if she had lost something very important. It was he, who he had been that she lost and he honestly didn’t know how to respond to that. He liked Natalya though she was a bit weepy for his liking. But he just didn’t know her. He was surprised to find out that he had put himself in the line of fire to protect her. But he knew himself to have more courage than sense most of the time so he could actually believe that.

Later that evening, he didn’t really know how late he decided that he wanted to talk to her again. He went to the kitchen and got a couple beers then moved up to her door. He heard something, was she crying? He thought she might be but he knocked on her door anyway. He didn’t know why but he felt a flash of anger at that and his expression changed into a snarl. It softened quickly when he heard her say ‘Come in,” And he sighed and went inside and closed the door behind him. “Hey, I a...couldn’t sleep. I heard you...might be up so I wondered if we could...talk a while,” he said and proffered a beer toward her. He had no idea he did this often in the past and the odd look she gave him made him wonder if he had offended her somehow.

“Uh, you dont, like beer?” he asked feeling awkward. If she had this...super soldier stuff in her she couldnt be that but he continued to hold it out to her.

Natalya was sitting alone in her room. She had been unable to stop the tears from falling now that she was alone. Natalya was not one to easily cry, but these tears weren’t for herself but for Logan, her best friend...her soulmate. She was holding one of his old jackets in her hands. It was a well worn, vintage cognac colored leather jacket that he had given her because she had stolen it from him so many times. It still smelled like him and she was holding it in her hands just looking at it.

Suddenly, she heard a knock at her door and she immediately stopped crying. She wiped her eyes before speaking. When Logan walked in with two beers at first she thought perhaps he had regained his memories, but then she remembered he had knocked on the door and he had never done that.

“No...I do,” she finally said. “It’s just that you used to do this all the time. You would come to my room with either beers or perhaps some bourbon and we would just talk.”

He grunted impatiently until she took the beer from him. “Well, I’m here now, lets talk,” he said bluntly in a rasp, much like he always sounded and moved to sit down in the large recliner.

“I will tell you Natalya, this whole not knowing if what people are telling me is true...thing is driving me crazy. I also can’t believe that I’m like a ‘team player’ An Avenger? I find this very hard to believe. I like, Wide open spaces...this tower is...so confining to me,” he said as he looked around. He took a sip of his beer. This talking around stuff wasn’t really working for him. He wasn’t good at buttering up his words to spare people their feelings.

“So I guess if I was sent to kill you, you must have done some pretty fucked up shit eh?” he said gruffly. “But, If I didn’t kill you...obviously I didn’t cuz your here, and your on this...team or...whatever, that ‘I’ did something right and the stuff you did was...forgiven?” he asked.

He listened as she explained it all and he had had to go get several more beers for her to get through it. He could tell just by the way she talked that she was extremely intelligent. Far more intelligent than himself that was for sure. Put there was pain there to. Alot of it. He didn’t need to be smart to tell that.

“So I guess...you and I were, what best buds or something?” He asked and then recalled what she had said in his room. “Were we...uh, more than just friends?” he asked awkwardly. “I mean...I remember Kayla...but she was murdered,” he said. “I guess ancient history now,” he added quickly. “But you and I aren’t history, are we?” he asked though th didnt know why he was even sitting here talking to her. He did not know this woman at all. But the way she looked at him...he couldn’t bring himself to leave.

Natalya felt awkward talking to Logan like they were, but she knew that she needed to push through it and continue on. Hopefully this would be good for him and perhaps trigger some memories. She was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed under her. When he brought up their relationship she was quiet a moment before speaking.

"You and I pushed away our feelings about one another almost from the day we met. I knew you loved me and you knew I loved you, but we didn't act on those feelings. You and I were always making sacrifices for the good of the team and not allowing ourselves to be happy. You are my one source of comfort. I am plagued by terrible nightmares due to what the SSB did to me and you always came in and comforted me. One of those nightmares happened two nights ago and as you always did you came in and laid with me and put your arms around me, but this time you stayed with me all night and when I woke up the next morning you were there. Our eyes met...and that was pretty much it. The wall between us finally crumbled and we gave in to what we were feeling. We were then called pretty much immediately to leave on the very mission where you were shot."

Logan didn’t say anything for a long while. This losing his memory was really aggravating. He felt edgy and unsettled. He felt like apologizing to her but that didn’t make any sense. What was he sorry for? He didn’t know Natalya nor anyone here.

“I’m in a future I don’t recognize Natalya. As I am now I Don't belong here nor anywhere and without the Logan I was...what are we going to do Natalya? If this memory loss isn’t permanent, then what do we do? Just make the best of it?” He asked.

Natalya looked at Logan and into his eyes. She wanted to reach out and touch his cheek but she kept her hand in her lap. She could see he was confused and aggravated and it pained her to see him that way.

“I love you Logan and that means I want what’s best for you. You need to take care of yourself and do what feels right to you. If you decide that means that you don’t want to remain here then I will understand.”


——————————————

Isabella gasped when she saw the ring. She, Tony, Kate, and Steve were all together in the office that Isabella and Tony shared. “That’s gorgeous.”

Isabella looked at Steve with a little smile. “You did a good job. Did you really carry it around for almost 3 years?”

Logan looked at Natalya for a long while without talking. It was odd to him how natural she sounded saying that she loved him. He found that he rather liked that. He didn’t feel love for Natalya but he was beginning to like her.

“Well, what If I want to stay here?” He asked but she didn’t appear to understand him. “Here, in your room. I’ll sleep on the floor. I might not understand your nightmares but I’m not certain I want to be alone. We can help each other.” Logan said.

—————-

“I did and it wasn’t always easy. I thought I lost it a dozen times but I always found it again. It might sound a bit corny but when you left Kate I felt...closer to you by just having it with me,” Steve said.