To Find What Was Lost

As Beren nodded and stood Ithilwen sat down then carefully placed her hands upon Nauriel’s sleeping brow…

The sensation of raindrops hitting her face forced Nauriel to sit up suddenly. The sky overhead was clouded and rain fell slowly with the promise of it becoming harder yet as the day drew on. She discovered she was in the courtyard outside of the palace. However this courtyard wasn’t what she recognized. It was still quite beautiful, with all sorts of exotic plants, some of which she had only heard about but never seen. As she stood she had the sense that someone was watching her. Upon craning her neck to look she noticed a man sitting down on the bench and he lowered a book that he had been reading. He looked familiar and had a puzzled look upon his face.

To her surprise it was Elessar though much younger than she remembered him. He wore no beard and he had no wrinkles under his eyes nor signs of worry in the lines of his face. He stood and smiled warmly at her.

“Uh...well, I didn’t see you laying there...I must have been really into my book,” He said as he rubbed the back of his neck. He wore his crown and a uniform but there were enough differences for her to know that the parts of his look that were different were the parts that she, personally had taken part in the making of.

“Are you hurt or injured miss? Should I call for a healer?” he asked as he extended his hand toward her.

The feel of raindrops on her face was what awoke her out of what felt like a deep sleep. Nauriel sat up, unsure at first on where she was. Her head felt clouded and strange, as if she were still dreaming, but everything felt so real. Upon closer examination of her surroundings, she discovered she was actually in a courtyard outside of the palace, although she didn’t exactly recognize it. She also wasn’t sure how she had gotten here in the first place. She tried hard to remember anything before this exact moment, but her mind was blank. Slowly, she stood up and then felt eyes upon her. As she turned her head she found herself looking at her husband, though he appeared much younger than she knew him to be. She had never seen him without his beard and seeing him clean shaven was quite a shock to her. However, she knew his face and she felt her deep, undying love for him spread warmly through her heart. She would do anything for him…even die for him. She wanted to go to him, to seek comfort in his arms, but his words stopped her and caused confusion to appear in her eyes.

“Elessar, what is going on? It is I, Nauriel…your wife.”

Elessar smiled warmly and tilted his head as if looking at something he wasn't certain about. “I’m sorry...you seem so...familiar but I’m certain I’d remember you,” He asked and then his smile suddenly grew broader and he looked around briefly.

“Did Arwen put you up to this? Are you one of her new ladies in waiting or handmaidens? She has so many friends I can’t seem to keep track of them all,” he said and chuckled. “I honestly did not see you come in. You have some skill there I think,” He added in hopes her present confused expression wasn’t a sign that he put her off. “He closed the book and held it in his hands which he shifted down in front of him to regard her fully.

Nauriel's face grew pale at the mention of Arwen's name. She struggled to breathe and she felt as if she had been punched in the stomach. What was happening? Pure panic started to grip her. Why didn't he know her? She stepped forward and grasped his hands. She needed to make him remember.

"Elessar, you married me...not Arwen. We have children; Eldarion, our son and future King of Gondor, Laenaya, Calene, Ariana, Kressara, and our adopted son Elfwine. We met in Gehenna and I traveled with you throughout Middle Earth. We fought side by side during the war. I protected you, bled for you, and would have died for you. I love you more than words could ever express. We are bonded by love. It is a bond so strong that it can never be broken."

With each desperate word, Elessar grew more and more concerned. Who was this woman? Where did she come from? Has she been in the palace long? Did she somehow just get into the courtyard? These questions and more fluttered across his thoughts but he still felt as if he had seen her before. Where though he did not know. He looked into her blue eyes that seemed to burn with anxiety. He could swear this woman believed what she said and his fingers gripped hers firmly.

“My lady...I don’t know you...I’m sorry, I wish I did,” He said apologetically. His lips moved soundlessly as if he wanted to say more and his eyes did look troubled.

“Father...I…” A high-pitched voice spoke from behind them. Aboy about 8 years old stepped into the courtyard. He wore a uniform not unlike Elessar’s. His eyebrows rose up in surprise at seeing someone besides his father here and he settled himself as to not offend the newcomer that he didn’t know.

“Oh...uh...welcome my lady,” He said politely as he smiled up at Nauriel. “My son...Eldarion,” Elessar said softly. The boy obviously resembled his father but there were more signs of elvish in him. Pale flesh and eyes. Similar to the Eldarion she knew but different. Enough different for her to sense her blood was not in him.

Nauriel's desperation was rising by the minute. This had to be a dream...but why couldn't she wake up? Why couldn't she make Elessar remember her? They had been through hell and back together. He had to remember her...he just had to!

She opened her mouth to say more, but before she could she heard a young child's voice. Looking over, she saw a boy dressed in a uniform run towards them. He stopped short upon seeing her and she could see Elessar within him...but she could not see herself. Though the name was the same, this child was not her own. Her knees threatened to give out under her and tears came to her eyes. This was a world without her. He had never met her...never fought beside her...never married her...never loved her.

"I...I'm sorry to have bothered you..." she said as tears began to trickle down her cheeks. She turned and stepped away and then collapsed down to her knees as her body shook with her sobs. She had never felt as lonely as she did in that moment. Everyone she loved was gone.

“Alright now,” Elessar said as he stepped up to her then gently manipulated her until he could lift her up then settle her into his arms. “Its alright,” He said softly. “Who is she father?” The boy asked curiously. As they stepped away from the courtyard and moved toward the palace, others turned to regard them. She didn’t know them and Elessar carried her easily past them and into the palace.

It too was different, decorated with someone elses preferences. As they passed the rear lounge there was a painting on the wall. It was of the battle with the witchking and a woman with flaxen hair was there and seemed to deliver the final stroke. Not Nauriel, not how she remembered it but another woman and she thought she recognized her. There was so much that was the same and yet, so much that was different. He walked up a flight of steps and then down another hall. Finally he opened a door with his foot and inside was a large bedroom. He moved inside the room and up to the large, 4 poster bed. He leaned over and deposited her upon the large bed.

“Take your ease miss...rest, you are completely safe here,” Elessar said. “Yes, completely safe,” The boy said with confidence. “The only enemies we have are the ones we make,” The boy said and upon saying that Nauriel heard an odd chime sound. It seemed to fill the room and yet sounded completely distant. “Come son, let the good lady rest,” Elessar said and began to back away from the strange woman. He could tell she was very beautiful but meeting her like this made him feel oddly sorry for her. As if there was more he should do for her here and now.

Nauriel felt like a stranger in her own home. Everything seemed to be in the same place as before, but was different. What felt the same though was Elessar's arms around her. They were comforting and familiar. They were the arms of a man she loved so deeply it hurt sometimes. Why was she here? She felt trapped...as if she were under a sheet of ice. She was thrashing against it, but it would not crack. She felt oddly cold, though it had been warm outside. Her body felt weak and she struggled to breathe. Was she dying? Was she already dead? Had she done something terribly wrong in life that this was her afterlife...to be forced to watch the man she loved walk away not even knowing who she was? What had she done to deserve that? She had not been perfect...but no one was. She had strived to always do her best...to be courageous...and to love unconditionally. Perhaps though she was never supposed to marry him. Perhaps she had messed with fate and destiny by winning over his love. That thought sat hollow in the pit of her stomach. But then a memory came to the forefront of her mind. A song. This song was not just any song. It was the song she and Aragorn had sung quietly together when they had had nothing but each other. It was a song of hope and undying love. It was the song they had sung to each other when courage began to fail them. It was their song.

Just as he began to step out of the door she began to sing...

Elessar was troubled. The woman, he could swear he never met her but a voice deep inside of him felt that he did know her. An odd sensation to be sure. As he was about to shut the door however, the woman began to sing a song that his mother had sang to him long ago while he had been in hiding in Imladris. He had never taught it to anyone, not even Arwen. He stopped and turned back toward her and his face was filled with shock and awe.

“How do you know that song!?” He demanded. “Who ARE you!?” He asked though it came out as another demand and took a step toward her.

Nauriel saw Elessar stop short when she began to sing that song. She knew that his mother had sung it to him when he was a child and that he had only taught it to her. She had never even sung this song to their own children. This song was theirs alone. She could see the look of shock on his face and as he stepped towards her and demanded to know who she was she stopped singing.

"I am the one you chose to travel with you and who stuck by your side through it all. I am the one who never gave up on you and who never let you give up on yourself. I am the one who took Frodo to Rivendell while being pursued by Ringwraiths. I am the one who married you in a small village after ten years of being engaged. I am the one who slayed the Witch King at the Battle of Pelennor Fields. And I am the one who loves you more than you will ever know."

She then reached up and gently took hold of his face and pulled it down to meet her own. She looked into his eyes for a long moment before kissing him with such love that she felt her heart might burst from it. If he did not know her now then he would never know her.

It didn't take long before the word, ‘Nauriel’ passed through his lips and another gong chimed in the distance. Recollection and yet...confusion flew across his face. “I don’t understand...I...I am…” He began as he pulled away from their kiss. “How do I know your name? I feel as if I know you...as if I’ve known you for as long as I can remember but...but I am not yours and you are not mine. Arwen...I married Arwen...and we have a son. Where did you come from?” he asked as if he were still in disbelief, which he was.

Hearing him whisper her name caused tears to fill her eyes. The kiss felt so real...and yet not at the same time. This Elessar was not her own. Slowly she pulled back from the kiss and looked into his eyes. She remembered the first time she saw him in Gehenna. Little did she know at the time how much he would change her life and how much she would come to need him.

"I...I honestly don't know how I came to be here. I am married to you, but just not in this world. I feel as if I am trapped in a cage from which I cannot escape." She struggled to remember. "I...I remember drinking a cup of tea. That is my last memory. I know I must sound crazy, but you must believe me."

The woman...Nauriel, seemed honest enough but it was all just so...difficult for Elessar to believe. Why is she here then? He wondered as he looked at her. Eldarion stood near the door and appeared to be studying his boots and looking like he’d much prefer to be anywhere else than right there right then. Elessar reached up and touched her cheek with a warm, soft hand.

“Look, obviously something ‘odd’ or ‘wonderful’, I can not be certain which, is happening to you. I don’t know how you just suddenly appeared and its clear that you don’t either. Magic like this, if it is magic, is something not seen since Gandalf the White sailed with the elves,” he said softly as his eyes looked into hers.

“I invite you to remain here in the palace. Perhaps if you have family here? Or somewhere?” he asked hopefully. How on earth would he explain this to Arwen. But he knew he’d tell her everything...eventually.

Nauriel knew she shouldn't, but she leaned into Elessar's touch, just like she had always done. She didn't know what was happening, or why it was happening, but everything seemed so real. The thought of remaining in a palace which should be hers, but was not, was strange to her, but she had no other real choice. She began to wonder what else might be different when she thought of the rest of her family. She feared his answer, but she knew she must ask.

"What about Serethiel and Conleth Phelan? Do you know them? They are or were the Lady and Lord of Gehenna. Or my twin brother Beren? He's married to Ithilwen, Lord Thranduil's daughter...sister to Legolas. Or my younger sister Lindariel? She is married to King Eomer of Rohan."

The King’s eyebrows drew up and a solemn look came over his face. He turned and addressed Eldarion. “Eldarion...go let Ester know we have a new guest. Have her send up some tea and food please,” he said and Eldarion nodded then moved quickly away, obviously relieved was permitted to go. Elessar turned back to Nauriel and put his warm hand upon hers.

“Uh...um...Years ago, during the war, The Northmen and their allies attacked a small village called Gehanna. They...raised it to the ground. There were a few survivors but none of those names you mentioned,” he said softly as he squeezed her hand. “I’m..sorry Nauriel. Since then I’ve made peace my priority,” he said quickly as he saw her face change. He continued on though. “The Northmen are our allies now and we enjoy peaceful relations with the Haradrim and Easterlings. There is much trade between our nations and once a year we invite dignitaries to come here, to Gondor for a conference to retain that peace. Gondor has become the center of middle earth and our people have prospered,” he explained trying to ignore her tears.

Nauriel could see a solemn look come over Elessar’s face and she knew then that she didn’t want to hear his answer. Her face paled as he began to explain that Gehenna had been attacked by Northmen and there had only been a few survivors. She shook her head as tears filled her eyes and she looked away from him. She felt sick to her stomach. She was now entirely alone in this strange world. She wanted to cry and scream at the same time. She pulled away from Elessar’s touch and got off the bed. She walked over and stood in front of the window as tears streamed down her cheeks. She didn’t want to hear his reasoning for making peace with the Northmen. Then suddenly a thought came to her.

“Poisoned…the Northmen poisoned me. The tea I was drinking. I knew something was off about it. I…I must be dead.”

Elessar didn’t stop her. He figured she had a right to her tears. He watched in silence as the woman stood and moved away. When she mentioned being poisoned he cocked his head and held a look of utter surprise on his face.

“And the Northmen did this? I find that difficult to believe. I know Harkin. He would never stoop to something so impersonal and clandestine. He prefers to face his opponents directly,” he said and then thought about that a moment. “His wife isn’t though. She is a schemer and someone who I doubt i’ll ever trust. After her young son was killed in the early skirmishes she tried to have Eldarion killed. I’m fairly certain she would prefer Harkin was dead and has tried to kill him several times but each time he avoids her attempts. Ultimately though, one woman is hardly enough to change the minds of her people. They want peace just as much as we do. It benefits us all and our lands have prospered. This is...not how it is...uh..where you came from?” He asked though his voice made him consider his words. Was he really believing her right now? As he thought about it though he knew that a part of him, the part that trusted this woman believed her. Regardless of how crazy it all sounded.

Nauriel sighed and shook her head. She wiped away her tears and slowly turned back around to face Elessar. “The world I came from was different than this one. Our dealings with the Northmen were…rocky at best. After things became much, much worse we…I mean you and I…decided that we needed to try and create a peace between us, otherwise we feared an all out war. We wanted to avoid this if we could. You and I traveled to the north personally and there it was suggested that we arrange a marriage between our eldest daughter Laenaya and Gulbrandt. I was appalled by the idea, but Laenaya agreed to it. She was then taken to the north to live with them, but things did not work out. Gulbrandt realized that his father was never going to change and he and my…our daughter fled and faked their own deaths. They moved to Gehenna and changed their names but they were eventually found out by his former kin and they kidnapped Laenaya and Gulbrandt’s son, Aslan, as payment for what they had done. We wanted to find him and bring our grandson home, but Gulbrandt told us that they would rather slice Aslan’s throat and watch him die than to return him to the arms of his parents. I..I hate the Northmen for what they have done to our family. They have lied and taken advantage of us. Our motives were good, but theirs never were. I will never see them as you do.”

Elessar seemed taken aback by Nauriel’s words. As Elessar considered what she had just told him Nauriel noticed her image in a large, nearby mirror. It was at a distance but she knew she was much younger in appearance than she was. Her memories were that of who she was. However in the mirror she was much younger and quite beautiful. Where she had matured...ripened in her beauty in her world. Here in this one she held that radiant, youthful appearance that marked her out wherever she went.

“Ah, well...The Northmen are prickly about their honor and saving face. “Lae...Laenaya? And this Gul-de-brandt...they, they had a duty to remain and keep the peace between you alive. How many have died by that one act? How many more will die?” he asked though it was all he could do not to ask after his daughter. Apparently he had several in this other world. Elessar had always wanted a daughter but so far, Eldarion was his only child.

“From my experience, when it comes to peace and you think that you only have one choice that benefits you, consider the one that does not to keep it. All we really have in this world is our word. Once it is broken then we have nothing,” He added but then decided that perhaps, this is not the place and time for such a conversation.

“Nauriel, will you not take your ease? Obviously something important is happening to you and you look...exhausted,” he said. “Please will you not rest? We can speak again on the morrow,” He said.

Nauriel could only shake her head at his words. It was easy enough for him to say, as he had not lived through what she and her family had. If this Elessar had she knew that his views would be different. This world had been lucky in that regard. There was so much more that she wanted to tell him, but she knew that it would only fall on deaf ears. He could not understand what he had not lived through.

She sighed and eventually agreed to rest. There was little more she could do. She was alone in a place where she should not feel alone. It was a strange feeling. She allowed him to lead her back to the bed and she laid down. As he left her eyes slowly closed...