Lost To Fate (May 2016)

The door opened and a dark haired woman answered. She was beautiful with large blue eyes and long, black hair. Her skin was pale and her face could have been that of any fashion model. She held a baby of about 3 months in her estimation and another child, a boy of about 4 or 5 peeked around her left leg. He was a younger version of Chris, especially his hazel eyes.

“Can I…” She began and then her eyebrows drew up. “Oh my god, you’re...you’re Natalya Sokolova,” She said and smiled at her as she quickly tucked a few strands of her hair back behind her ear as if she feared she was a mess in the face of a celebrity.

“Oh wow, I didn’t expect...Oh my , my manners,” she said with a nervous chuckle. “I’m Zoey, Zoey Hanson,” she said as she extended her hand to her. She was all smiles and forgot her manners again but it all came to her. “Oh...oh my god, You’re probably here for Chris right? I’m such a dolt,” She said and turned. “Chris, you have a visitor!” she shouted and Natalya could tell she had a british accent. “Coming!” Chris shouted back from somewhere inside. “Well, why don’t you come in Natalya,” She said and backed away. The boy smiled shyly at Natalya and snd stepped around his mother. “Whose it momma?” A girl of about 3 or 4 said as she shyly played with her lip. She had long, black hair and blue eyes like her mother. “Whose at the door!” Chris said as he picked up the girl and snuggled her neck. The girl squealed happily as her father played with her. And then he saw her.

He would have ofcourse seen her picture in the news over the years and discovered who she really was. Once his eyes locked on hers he swallowed much like he had when she first met him. “Hun, take the kids please,” he said. “I need to speak to Natalya for a moment,” he said. Haley’s eyebrows rose up and her smile faded into a more serious look. “Come Natalya,” The woman said and the girl turned and moved up to her. Chris gestured for them to step outside and he closed the door behind him.

In a million years Chris did not expect Natalya to just suddenly be there at his door. He sat down on the steps and fumbled at his pocket as if he might have a pack of cigarettes there but didn’t. He rubbed his palms on his knees as Natalya sat down next to him and he waited for her to speak first.

Being that Chris had moved out of the city and into a house in a neighborhood she expected that he was married. However, seeing his wife and children was rather overwhelming. Even after 11 years she still held affection for Chris. She just wanted to know that he was happy and safe. That was what ultimately mattered to her. When Natalya finally saw Chris again she felt butterflies in her stomach. She didn't know what she was going to say to him...or what he was going to say to her. When he gestured for them to step outside she stepped out onto the steps and waited for him to sit down before sitting down next to him. She was quiet for a long while before she finally began to speak.

"I'm so sorry it has taken me this long to come and find you," she told him sincerely. "My life...my life has been a bit of a mess...as you well know, but I'm finally free now. I wanted to come and find you and see you, but I feared that the SSB would target you and I couldn't let that happen. I'm so sorry for everything that happened Chris."

Even after she spoke he looked out toward the street. There was a large oak tree in the front yard and the yard was well groomed and maintained. “I...looked for you for years,” He said as his heart rate jumped into high gear. Seeing her again brought all of those old feelings he had for her to the surface. “For months I couldn’t work, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat. All I knew was I wanted you back,” he said as he finally looked at her. Looking at her wasn’t easy. If she aged a day he couldn’t tell it. Chris had aged extremely well to. He was just as handsome as he had been but matured.

Natalya's heart broke as she listened to what Chris said. She sighed softly and looked at him. "You wouldn't have been able to find me. The SSB had me very well hidden. I was...reconditioned after they took me back." Just saying the word 'reconditioned' still made Natalya want to be ill and Chris would be able to guess based on her expression at the word that the 'reconditioning' was not pleasant. She then looked at him with a worried look in her eyes. "They didn't hurt you, did they? Tatiana told me they wouldn't."

“Nah, they didn’t hurt me but they took you away from me, that was hurt enough,” he said. “I was so in love with you but I was afraid to say it. I...saw your handgun in your purse and guessed you had another under your pillow. I had a feeling you were more than you let on but I didn’t care. I didn’t love you any less,” he said and then he was quiet a moment.

“I heard you married Logan...another avenger. I hope that you’re happy with him. He wasn’t all that popular as avengers went. But I guessed that if you married him, you had your reasons,” he said. He wanted to hold her hand right then but kept his hand on his knee.

Natalya looked at Chris when he admitted that he had been in love with her. She had suspected it when they were together, but hearing him actually say those words made her feel rather emotional. She nodded when he mentioned her marrying Logan. "Logan and I are just so similar. We were both created to be monsters and because of that we have this incredible bond. He was sent to kill me you know and he could have. He had me cornered and I didn't have a weapon. He spared my life though and changed it by bringing me to Tony and Steve. No one trusted me but Logan. It took a long time for me to fully win their trust. The public though still has mixed feelings about me and I don't blame them. I killed many people and did a lot of horrible things. I've changed though. It's taken time, but I've changed."

She became quiet again and just sat there with him before she slowly reached out and took his hand into her own. She gave it a gentle squeeze. "I see you got married too. She's beautiful and your children are precious." She hesitated a moment before going on. "Did I hear correctly that the girl's name is Natalya?"

The moment she touched his hand and squeezed it he felt that familiar tension grow within him. It was powerful, like some elemental force deep inside that had drawn him to her. “Yes, I wanted to honor you, the woman I knew,” he said. “But you know, this….SSB, they made a fatal error. They tried to turn a human being into a machine. They failed because a human is not just a machine. In time I think you could have grown to love me like I love you,” he said and he did not use the past tense in that. He shifted and kissed the knuckles of her hand.

“I tried to see you once I found out who you were but that Tower of yours”...He began and said no more. Tony’s security was extremely strong and Chris likely was an unknown. People didn't just show up and expect an audience. They had to know a number or have been invited. Chris didn’t know anything but her name. “Haley...she is a good woman and she loves me I think,” he said. “And part of me loves her to,” he said but obviously Natalya still held a part of his heart. And likely always would. “I don’t think I will ever be able to fully let you go,” he said honestly. “Call me a sentimental fool if you want, I guess its true,” he said.

Natalya noticed what Chris said and realized that she had made a bigger impact on him than she had thought. Until Chris all the men she had ever been with had only lusted after her. Lust and love were two completely different things. Lust was solely sexual, whereas love was sexual...as well as intimate. Love was far more complex but gratifying.

"Until I met you I had never experienced feelings like intimacy, kindness, compassion...and love. You showed me all of those things and so much more. I owe you so much Chris. You started the changes in me that ultimately led me to being where I am now. I want you to know that I wasn't using you. I did truly have feelings for you...feelings that remain to this day. You're still an amazing man Chris."

“I am happy Natalya, Haley is a good woman, one of the good ones. She used to be a model in England and I met her alot like how I met you. Some jerk assumed he could just do and say whatever to her. I don't know why that keeps happening to me but once we started talking everything just clicked. I came back to New York and we tried the long distance thing for a while. Eventually I went back for work and then I asked her to come back with me and she did. Left her job, her friends, her life because I asked her to. I suppose that was how it was you and I but I had no idea of what you were leaving behind. It was horrible what was done to you Natalya. Horrible and I still felt so much love from you. Maybe you were trained to entice men but I felt it just the same, real or not. So you changed me to. You made me want that closeness again and so after a couple of years of waiting and wondering about you I decided to try again,” Chris said. “I truly hope that Logan knows how special you really are Natalya,” he said as he looked at her.

As Natalya listened to Chris a few tears came to her eyes. She was so happy that he was happy. There was love that still existed between them and likely always would, but she couldn't be the woman he needed. She let go of his hand and then leaned over and wrapped her arms around him and hugged him. She felt him hug her back and they just held each other for a long moment before she pulled back. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a card and handed it to him. It was a business card and on the back was her phone number.

"If you ever want to bring your wife and kids by the Tower please just give me a call. I can arrange that with Tony and this time you won't be stopped by security," she said with a little smile.

“I think my son and even my wife might like that,” Chris said as he looked down at the card. Together they stood and then he looked at her and kept his hands to his sides. He wanted to kiss her to feel her lips on his but that would not be right...now. His lips, his ‘everything’ belonged to another and that was that. “Take care of yourself Natalya Sokolova and enjoy your life,” He said. As she departed she heard him open the door and the word ‘Daddy!” was said from two different throats as the door closed behind him.

Back at the tower Logan was lifting weights on a bench press on the special machine that Tony had designed. It could handle Logan’s strength but not much more. The number on the digital readout was 4000lbs and his arms shook as he pumped that up. He dropped it after he saw Natalya looking at him. It was her expression that he noticed and he wasn’t certain what that was right then.

“Uh, am I in trouble?” He asked.

Natalya watched Chris as he stepped into the house. She then whispered “I love you” in Russian before turning and walking away. Chris has changed her life and because of that she would never forget him. He would be apart of her forever.

She hailed a cab and headed back to the Tower. She found Logan working out and she just stood there watching him for a long moment before he saw her. She slowly walked over to him and then took his face into her hands and kissed him. It was a deep, passionate kiss but one filled with so much love. After a moment she pulled back and looked into his eyes.

“I’m just so lucky you found me Logan. I love you so much.”