How to Say Goodbye (November 1995)

It was the second week of November and the entire city was covered in a dusting of snow. Isabella's recovery was progressing. Every day she improved, although she did continue to have some nightmares once she was taken off the sleeping pills. She remained on the anti-depressants, although planning her and Tony's wedding was a nice distraction and made her happy. There were still moments when she just needed to be alone and Tony respected that. He was also there whenever she needed him.

Isabella had officially tendered her resignation with the CIA and nothing Alex could say persuaded her to stay. She hated leaving her team, but she could no longer work for the government organization. She hoped that Renee and Alonzo would keep in touch though. There were no plans for Isabella to move back into her apartment. She would go straight from her parent's estate to Tony's. They were keeping their engagement a secret. Isabella was staying away from the press and Tony was as well.

For the first time since arriving at her parent's house, Isabella was going back to her apartment. She was starting to pack items to move out. Tony was preparing for the press conference and could not remain with her, but he and Happy dropped her off and he planned to return in a few hours. Isabella started in the kitchen. Tony had had packing boxes, bubble wrap, and packing tape delivered to the apartment before hand so she would have everything she needed. She had her hair pulled up into a ponytail and was wearing jeans and a sweater. She turned on the radio while she worked so it wouldn't be so quiet in the apartment. When it was too quiet her mind tended to wander to unpleasant memories.

It was a very exciting time for Tony. Isabella was progressing past her ordeal and she seemed genuinely excited about planning their wedding. He decided to keep it a secret, for now. He didn't think bringing the press into their lives was a very good idea right now.

He was also happy that she tendered her resignation to the CIA. He never thought that that job suited her and apparently, she felt the same. He felt it was important for her to keep busy but he had so much going on that he doubted she'd get bored.

To go along with that, Isabella had also agreed to leave her apartment behind and move in with him. He had plenty of space and he offered her her own space in case she needed to be alone at times. And, when she wanted to be with him she could be though he hoped she would be. He had set her up with everything she'd need to pack and he had trucks and movers all set up to move her things whenever she was ready.

Frank had been worried about Isabella. He had heard a little about her capture on the news but how she was rescued or how she returned to the states. He had taken the liberties of copying her keys and he let himself in. He suspected she was inside though, he could hear music playing in the background. When he opened the door though, he was surprised to find all of the boxes and packing materials. Was she moving? He thought that perhaps she was. he shut the door behind him.

Frank was dressed in his usual garb. A long, black tweed trenchcoat and a hoodie underneath with the hood up to conceal his face. Black boots with black fatigue pants and a black t-shirt. "Isabella?" He called out as he looked around the kitchen.

Being back in her apartment brought back memories of Frank. The note she had left for him before leaving for Kazakhstan was still on the kitchen table, although she could tell it had been moved, meaning Frank had seen it. She had no way of contacting Frank and he didn't really have a real address...at least not one he had ever shared with her. She wanted to talk to him though. She didn't want to just leave and him not ever know what happened to her.

Isabella had been back in the bathroom when Frank had let himself in. She suddenly heard his voice and she stepped out and saw him in the kitchen.

"Hi Frank," she said and he turned around to look at her. Isabella was not quite back to her normal weight, but getting closer. There were still a few healing bruises on her face, but more than that there was a slightly haunted look to her eyes.

Overcome by relief, upon seeing Isabella Frank moved up to her and took her up into his arms. he breathed in her scent and began kissing her face and neck. "I was so worried Isabella. I wasn't sure I'd ever see you again," he said as if he was breathing hard. He wasn't certain how he really felt about her. But it felt as close to love as his feelings would allow. Frank was a strong, sturdy man. Solid and muscular and when he held her she knew she was held. He recalled that she liked to be held but he noticed that she had lost enough weight to make it noticeable.

"I guess I should make you some pasta. Even your boobs have gotten smaller," he said light-heartedly.

Frank's arms around Isabella made her feel safe. They were familiar and comforting. Isabella knew that on some level she did love Frank, but she loved Tony more. Although their relationship had begun as simply sex and food, they had grown to care for one another and Isabella knew that what she needed to tell Frank wasn't going to be easy for her to say.

She reached up and gently placed a hand against his cheek. "Please tell me you've kept out of trouble while I've been gone."

Frank smiled at Isabella and he lifted her up and seated her on the large, bathroom sink. His hands moved down to her hips and he kissed her lips. There was nothing soft when it cam to Frank except when he kissed her. His lips were surprisingly soft just like his touch but also firm as well. She would know he wanted her by the way he moved up against her. He had really missed her and he needed her right then. "It looks like you're moving, are you leaving New York?" he asked as his hands rubbed her hips and she felt his fingers snake under the sides of her shirt.

Isabella had a difficult time resisting Frank...not because he forced himself upon her, but because she liked the way he made her feel. Feeling his lips upon her own brought back old feelings and memories. He pressed himself up against her and she knew what he wanted. She tried to ignore it, but once she felt his hands start to snake underneath the sides of her shirt she pushed him back a little and hopped down from the counter.

"I am moving...yes..." she said cryptically as she moved back into the kitchen. She was having a difficult time coming up with the words she needed to say. She avoided eye contact with Frank and tried to make herself appear busy to hide her growing anxiety.

Frank followed her as she stepped away and he could see her trepidation. He could also see the lines under her eyes. Something had happened while she was captured. He could see that like he was looking into a mirror. That hurt, hunted look. And he put his hands on her shoulders. "Isabella, I am a friend. You can tell me anything and I will never speak a word of what you say. His large hands kneaded the flesh of the balls of her shoulders and then he shifted them up to her shoulder blades. "You're so tense, you don't need to be. I can see you're leaving. It looks to be for good. Would it matter at all if I told you that I don't want you to go?" He said as he pressed his face into the back of her head.

Isabella found this to be so much harder than she had ever imagined. Just hearing what he said brought tears to her eyes. She didn’t want to hurt him. Not after everything they had been through.

“Frank...I’m engaged...to Tony.”

His hands paused in what they were doing. Now what he had seen when he first saw her came to his mind. The ring. His eyes had noticed it but his mind did not register it as if it denied it being there. Several emotions came over him right then. Sadness, loss, anger, jealousy. But what right did he really have to her? She was a free woman in every sense of the word. She had just survived a harrowing ordeal. And here he was feeling selfish toward her. However this did tell him something about how he felt for her. He wanted her in his life. she was one of the 'good guys'. There were so few people anymore that he could say that about. But Tony...Stark?

"The billionaire?" He asked as he removed his hands from her back. He had heard the strain in her voice. He needed to play this down for her benefit. He did not want her to be upset. Not after what she just went through. he shifted around her to get her to face him.

"Hey...hey...I'm happy for you," Frank heard himself saying. He hoped his voice didn't sound hollow. He used his thumbs to wipe away her tears. "Tony is a very lucky man," He said and forced a grin onto his face. His insides twisted and he felt sick. Like a part of him was dying inside but he kept on. "So...then you're leaving the CIA?" he asked. It seemed logical. She was marrying one of the richest men in the world.

Isabella was an intelligent woman and she could hear the hollowness of his voice. She knew that he was faking his happiness for her, but she knew that if she called him out on it that that would only cause more awkwardness between them. She didn't want things to end badly. She truly did care about Frank and she hated hurting him. She just hoped that this wasn't going to be a permanent goodbye.

"I have already tendered my resignation with the CIA. It was my decision though. The organization is corrupt and I no longer wanted to be apart of that. I'm going to be helping Tony run Stark Industries."

Frank could certainly understand that. He knew from personal experience how corrupt the CIA was. He didn't tell her all of that though. Some of the people she worked for had a bulls eye on their heads as far as he was concerned. And that had not changed. He was about to tell he was happy for her but his mouth just couldn't speak those words. He sighed.

"Ok, ok, I'm having trouble with this Isabella," he said in agitation as he stepped away from her and wiped his hand across his face. Frank often felt agitation first before he could get his thoughts out to her.

"I don't want you to go...I mean...god...i don't know what I mean. I want us to be closer. I wanted...more for us," Frank said honestly. "Between us," he clarified. "I just feel...I just feel like we're losing our chance to see if it could really work," he said. And that was true to. She had said yes to Tony...obviously. But the sinking feeling that he was losing her was hurting his heart right then.

Isabella fought back tears as she looked at Frank. His words tore at her insides. She had memories back to when she and Tony had broken up. “I’m sorry Frank,” she said as a few tears slipped down her cheeks. “Tony and I have so much history and we both still loved each other. If he and I hadn’t met back up I would have wanted more for us too.”

For a long moment, Frank just looked at her. He contemplated just grabbing her up and showing her how he felt. He also contemplated exploding at her with how upset he was that she hadn't said anything to him about this but that would be ridiculous. She had no way to contact him. That would not have been fair.

"I'm sorry too," Frank said softly. And then could look at her no longer. He took a step back and then headed for the door. He thought he heard her say...something but his heart was beating so loudly in his ears he didn't hear what she said. He opened and closed the door a bit harder than he wanted to. He paused and then thumped down the hall toward the elevator. He did not look back.

Isabella tried to call Frank back...to ask him to stay so they could talk, but he kept on walking away from her. She heard him open and close the door behind him. The door closed hard and seemed to symbolize the end of their relationship. Isabella broke down and began to cry into her hands as she heard him call the elevator. She wished there was something she could do...something she could say to make things right, but there wasn’t. She could only hope that eventually he would find the happiness he deserved.

Tony had decided not to leave Isabella to do all of this work by herself. He postponed the press conference, much to the dismay of Pepper Potts. Ever since he had told her about Isabella, Pepper had been...decidedly cool toward him. Well, more cool than what he was used to from her. As he came into the building a large man dressed all in black was coming toward him. He had a severe look on his face. Tony grinned at him but before he had passed him the man grabbed hold of him. Happy had just pulled away and did not see what was happening.

"Tony Stark?" The man said and it was not a question. Frank knew full well who he was. "If you break her heart...I'll kill you, do you understand?" Frank said darkly as he practically lifted the man up off of his feet. Tony grabbed hold of the man's hands and took on an indignant look. "I hadn't planned on it, now let me go!" Tony snapped angrily. Frank drew his face closer and got a good look at Tony's face. "Remember my face Tony Stark," Frank said with his lips formed into an angry line. Then he let Tony go suddenly and pushed him up against the wall. He stepped away toward the exit doors and did not look back. Tony straightened his clothes and jacket and then called the elevator. He was about to knock but he heard Isabella crying and he hurriedly opened the door and moved inside.

"Isabella!?" He said in a worried tone. He heard her in the bedroom and stepped quickly toward her. He stopped near the door as he saw her shift in her bed to sit up. Hastily she tried to hide the fact that she was just sobbing just then.

"Isabella...whats going on? A man just threatened me as I was coming in," Tony said as he looked at her.

Isabella heard the door to her apartment open and for a brief moment she thought it was Frank. However, when she heard Tony’s voice she panicked a little and tried to cover up the fact that she had just been crying. However, it was of no use. Tony already knew she had been crying. When Tony told her he had just been threatened by a man she knew that had been Frank. She buried her face into her hands for a moment before composing herself as best she could.

“That was Frank Castle. He and I were...well we weren’t in a traditional relationship. It was just sex...or at least that’s what I thought. I mean I don’t even know where he lives. He would always just come over here. I told him about our engagement though and he became upset. He said he had been wanting more for us. I mean I do care about him, but it’s not like I love you. I didn’t want to hurt him.”

Jealousy came across Tony's face and inside of him. It gurgled up from somewhere deep. He wondered 'when' exactly was the last time they did have sex? And Isabella was very upset about it. About Frank. He frowned though he managed to keep his composure. He was very good at keeping his composure these days. He had been through alot lately.

"Do we...need to postpone the wedding?" Tony said softly. It was a direct statement but he didn't want to mince words with Isabella. If she needed time to sort out her feelings, he could give her that.

Isabella blinked at Tony’s suggestion. “No, we don’t need to postpone the wedding. I just...it just feels like a lost I friend is all. We haven’t been together since before I left for Kazakhstan. This was my first time seeing him since I got back.”

She stood up and looked at him. “I love you Tony. I want to marry you. I would marry you today.”

Tony just looked at Isabella, trying to see behind her eyes. He didn’t like feeling as if he wasn’t certain about her. The world had to revolve around him. It had to, it was how his mind worked.

“Ok, then let’s go do it...today,” Tony said plainly as he looked at her. His tone was a bit clipped as if he wasn’t exactly happy to just now learn she wouldn’t be fucking this other guy. It all left a bad taste in his mouth.

Isabella didn’t like Tony’s tone. It irritated her and she wasn’t going to marry him like this. “Tony, our wedding day is supposed to be one of the happiest days of our lives. I don’t want to look back upon it knowing that there was this...tension between us. That’s not how I want to begin our lives together. The only reason I didn’t tell you about Frank was because I was focused on staying alive in Kazakhstan and then recovering from the ordeal we both went through. And I didn’t really know what I would even have told you. Tony I will answer any questions you have. I don’t want this to be an issue between us.”

Tony frowned. "An issue?" Tony didn't like her tone and then his posture and expression changed. "Well, I don't know. Maybe for starters... There is this guy named Frank who I have been fucking off and on for a while. He's into me and I'm into him but its nothing official," Tony said in a higher pitched voice, portraying her.

"I'm not trying to suggest that there weren't women in my life too. But it was just sex, nothing more. I do not cry over them Isabella. When they leave, I don't think about them at all," Tony said.

Isabella felt fresh tears come to her eyes. She didn’t know what to say or do at this point to make things right. She began to fear that this might cause the cancellation of their wedding. This was not what she had intended or wanted. She had hurt Frank and now the man she loved was angry at her.

“I’m really sorry that I didn’t tell you about him, but I was dealing and still am dealing with a lot of emotional shit Tony. My intention wasn’t to hide this from you.”

Tony wanted to cringe inside. Guilt bubbled up thick and heavy from...somewhere. He thought he had sufficiently buried that but there it was. He could only apologize so many times. He could only try to make things right for her. He felt his cheeks begin to burn with heat and his entire body seemed to grow warmer than it had been just a moment ago. He felt himself on the verge of just lashing out or just leaving her and he knew that wasn't right either. He knew she loved him so why was he acting like a lovesick teenager? And that was one more thing he didn't understand. For a genius he really didn't seem to know much of anything when it came to Isabella and his feelings for her.

"Ok, I...I have people...for this," he said as he gestured around the room. "Get your coat...we're going to go out," he said. When she just looked at him in that way she did when she was about to cry he elaborated.

"I'll get all of this packed up...later," he said. "Lets just go out ok? We can get a bite to eat and talk ok?" he said as he moved toward the closet and opened it. He wasn't certain if she was really dressed to go out but he didn't really care either right then. He would look into this 'Frank' of hers later. Right now he would not let this blow up into something more than it really was.

Isabella hates arguing with Tony. She always had. She wanted to make things right, but she didn’t know how. Nor was she certain what she had done was anything terrible. Yes, she had slept with Frank, but hadn’t while she and Tony had been together. It was also true that she did have some feelings for Frank, but she had chosen Tony and loved him very much.

Tony eventually convinced her to go out with him. She let him help her into her coat and then they took the elevator down. They found a coffee shop and there was a table in a back corner that was empty. They sat down and ordered something to drink. Isabella didn’t know what to say. She had already said everything she could.