The Start of Something New (May 2012)

The snow had finally all melted and all the trees had leafed out in green again. Birds happily chirped and flowers were in full bloom. It was warm, without being too hot and with that change over things began to change as well in the Tower. Natalya was still mentally healing, but was doing much better. Her nightmares continued, but they weren't as frequent and she kept busy throughout the day to make herself as exhausted as possible come time to sleep. She trained with the team, but until recently she had been benched when it came to actual missions. A group consensus had finally been reached to allow her to go out into the field again.

Over the past few months, Natalya had focused on herself and not on either Logan or Malcolm. She hadn't had sex in months now and late one night she lay in bed just starring up at the ceiling as passionate thoughts entered her mind. She slowly got out of bed and stood in her doorway. She hesitated only a brief moment before she turned left...towards Logan's room. She knocked lightly on the door before opening it and stepping inside. She closed the door behind her. Logan looked at her and she looked back at him and didn't say a word. She didn't have to because her eyes spoke volumes about how she was feeling and what she wanted...him.

The past few months were not unlike the first few months that Logan had decided not to kill Natalya. That had been worse than this but by his estimation, the helmet was only on her for a couple of minutes. He had created a harsh schedule for her and recently the team had decided to allow her to join their team in missions. This last one had injured Kate Blackwell and she was going through some physical therapy after her surgery.

The nightmares were still very much touch and go and more than once he had had to struggle with her as she tried to attack him. That was always a risk even though he knew what he was doing. Malcolm had been successful as well with that but he was only around half the time. Once again Logan’s life had been focused on Natalya and the more he had to work with her, the harder it was becoming for him to segregate his feelings. He loved the woman but it was growing more and more difficult to not be able to express it. She kissed him, flirted with him, bantered back and forth but that was where it ended.

One evening though, it was pretty late, and Logan heard her knock on his door. He was under the covers up to his waist and turned off his tv when she came in and he noticed that she was clothed in a black, silk robe. He noticed her hair was up and she kicked off her slippers. He also noticed that her ample curves were very visible under the robe, all she was wearing. Logan shifted forward onto his elbow. He saw that look in her eyes and he lifted up his covers for her. Natalya had dark eyes but even across the room he knew white hot desire when he saw it, especially in Natalya, who he knew so well. “Took ya long enough,” He said and then grunted when she gave him a love tap in his ribs for the comment. The robe slid off her shoulders as she climbed into his bed and she murmured for him to take off his sweatpants which he did.

Everything about this felt...right to Natalya. Logan knew her better than she knew herself. He had devoted himself entirely to her and she knew he cared about her. It had been nearly a year since the last time they had slept together, but this wouldn't just be sex...at least Natalya hoped not. She let the black, silk robe slip off her shoulders and it fell into a heap on the floor. She got into bed with him and he took off his sweatpants and tossed them out onto the floor near her robe. Before she kissed him though, she wanted to be sure of one thing.

"You're not going to push me away like last time, right?"

“Have I ever lied to you Natalya? What I said before holds true now. I was meant to bring you here the first time just like I was ‘meant’ to be there when you needed me,” He said as he pulled her on top of him. He took her face into his hands and looked into her eyes.

“Religion is for suckers but someone up there keeps putting me in your path where I can help you the most. Perhaps,” He whispered. “They believe, like I do, that you’ve simply suffered enough,” He said then kissed her lips. They were every bit how he imagined. Warm and soft and moist. He dreamed of her lips and the rest of her as she pressed herself up against him. His body reacted to hers almost immediately but though there was an urgency in her actions, once she mounted him she sighed a long, soothing sigh as if that alone was something she had been waiting for, for a very long time. Logan held her close and ran his hand down her strong back and felt the muscles of her hips and buttocks then brought them back up again. He removed her hair clip so that her long, luscious dark hair flowed down her shoulders. Logan groaned when her movement hit him just right and he felt her lips curl into a smile as she kissed him.

A short time later Natalya lay in Logan's arms amongst the tangled sheets on his bed. They were both still awake and she rested her head on his chest. Natalya felt...whole being with Logan. In his arms she was safe and loved. Both of their heartbeats had returned to normal and a comfortable silence had settled between them. However, there was something Natalya needed to discuss with Logan if they were going to be together.

"I am still with Malcolm. Are you alright sharing me with him?"

“No,” Logan answered quickly and truthfully. “But I told you, I’ll take whatever part of you you’re willing to give,” He said. “Like, don’t like are irrelevant. What I feel for you is...elemental, not something that can be easily defined,” He said as he played with her hair, It was damp from how vigorous she had been near the end and he hoped she hadn’t been too loud.

“I was a fool before but I’ve learned from that mistake. I’m not turning aside this time, I’m headin toward you full throttle until you veer off or run outta gas,” He said. “You do run like a Nancy too,” He said and she rewarded him with another quick jab in the ribs. He grunted and then snickered in amusement as she kissed his chest. Logan was very content with her laying there.

“I guess I just don’t understand why a woman like you wants a man like me. Love is an odd animal I guess,” He said.

Natalya appreciated Logan's honesty. It said something about their relationship that they could be that honest with one another. It made her smile to hear Logan describe what existed between them as 'elemental'. And she knew it was. It was something that would exist between them no matter what happened or how much time passed. They were bonded to one another in such a way that could not be described.

However, when Logan admitted he didn't know why she would want a man like him she shifted so she could look into his eyes. "Why wouldn't I want a man like you Logan? I've never met anyone who could even come close to understanding what I've been through. We're a couple of misfits who happened to find one another when we needed each other the most. You've never given up on me...not once. I know that you love me and will do what is best for me...not just what you want me to do. That is why I love you and want you Logan."

“But like any other man, I’m not infallible. I can make mistakes and when it comes to you, I feel...selfish. I have given so much for you and feel as if I’m, at least in some way, deserving of your love and your loyalty. I didn’t do what I did to ‘get you’. I did what I did because, like me, you deserved a chance. I paid that chance forward and you earned your place on this time...and in my heart,” He said. “I felt you needed more growth before and that’s why I stepped away from your desire for us to become a couple. If you had any idea how difficult that was...lets just say that perhaps, I’d have rather had hot metal grafted onto my bones again instead of that. I wanted you like I’ve never wanted anyone but I felt I was right in doing that. Recently though...I’ve felt...lonely. Disconnected from the team in a way I can’t really explain. The connection we have always draws me back, keeps me here, grounds me and one day leads into the next. When I thought that you might pull away from me I panicked, plain and simple. Now I’ve chosen not to deny my feelings for you. I want to own them and to earn your love every day,” He said.

“And I want you to earn mine,” He said and then shifted to come atop her. Unlike other men, Logan’s resources regenerated quickly. All of them and though he knew Natalya was tired he coaxed her into making love to him again, or more accurately, he made love to her.

The next morning Malcolm was in the kitchen making coffee when Natalya came out to get someHe knew where she had come out, Logan’s room and his heart churned inside of him with that knowledge. ‘This was not supposed to be how it happened’. He thought. “You want some coffee?” He asked as he held the pot in his hand.

Natalya slept really well that night. It was the first really good night's sleep she had had in a long time. She had fallen asleep with her head nestled into Logan's shoulder and his familiar scent had filled her nose and brought her the comfort she needed. The next morning she put back on her robe and hoped to walk into the kitchen and get a quick cup of coffee before Malcolm woke up. However, when she walked into the kitchen she found him standing there holding the coffee pot. Judging by the look in his eyes he had seen her come out of Logan's room.

"Yes, please," she said as she got down a cup for herself and then handed it to Malcolm.

Crass thoughts entered into Malcolm’s mind as well as hurtful words but he kept it all inside. This was part of what she had asked and he had agreed to. She ‘needed’ both him and Logan but he wasn’t certain he could put up with the knowledge of her sleeping with another man. He wasn’t wired that way but he had been with multiple women. And a few times he had been with them one right after the other. Maybe this was a way he received his just desserts for his sins. Or maybe this was just what Natalya needed In either case, the pain of that knowledge burned raw into his stomach.

“Certainly Natalya,” He said and poured the coffee into her cup. “Does Logan want some?” He asked as he got out a mug.

The words Malcolm said were kind, but it was the way he said them that put her on edge. She didn't want to get into a fight with him so early in the morning so she decided to just leave as quickly as she could.

"Yes," she said simply in response to his question. She got down a mug for Logan and after Malcolm poured in some coffee she prepared it the way she knew Logan liked it. She then prepared her cup. She took both cups and walked back into Logan's room. She handed him his and then shut the door. She sighed as she sat down on his bed.

"So, Malcolm saw me leave your room. He was in the kitchen making coffee."

Logan winced as he accepted the coffee. “I am guessing that this is going to be difficult for everyone at the beginning. The start of anything is always awkward I think. And this I think is more awkward than most things. I wont like it when your with him but I will accept it as something that has to happen,” Logan said. “You fell for him for a reason Natalya so I expect that whatever that was will hit you eventually,” He said.

The next few days Malcolm had been away on business but on Thursday he was back and Tony and Isabella were at a galla that they had been invited to. Steve and Kate weren’t around and once again Natalya had a choice to make. Malcolm and Logan were in their rooms and that itch, that need for companionship began to drive her into action to satiate that need.

Over the next few days everything continued on as normal. Natalya exercised and trained, nearly all day, everyday and in the evenings she would sit with Logan and watch tv or a movie until it was time to go to sleep. She would retire to her room, but Logan was there in case she needed him throughout the night. Malcolm had been away for most of the week, but came back on Thursday. She had had dinner with him, but had gone to her room afterward. It was nearly 11:30 p.m. and Natalya realized that she didn't want to be alone that night. She sat up and then stood up and walked to her doorway. She stood there for a short while as tried to figure out what to do. She knew which way she wanted to go...but she knew which way she should go too.

Finally, she decided that what she wanted mattered more and she turned left and walked down to Logan's room...

Logan was already asleep but when he heard his door open then close he smelled the air. He heard padded footfalls on the floor then the rustle of fabric. A smile formed on his lips though his eyes never opened. He turned onto his side just as Natalya took his arm and draped it over her shoulder as she backed up into him. She placed his hand onto her left breast as he shifted his right arm so she could lay her head on it. Logan just laid there as he looked down at her.

“I was dreaming,” He said softly. He was very warm, Logan always was and she turned her head to look up at him. “You were in pain and I couldn’t get to you,” Logan said. He felt her squeeze his hand over her breast and then he leaned down and kissed her.

The next morning Natalya looked out Logan’s door before she just sleepily walked right up to get some coffee for herself and Logan. He liked it when she did things like this. If a cup of coffee made him happy, it was an easy thing to do. Alot of gain with minimal effort. However as she put the coffee pod into the maker Isabella stepped up to her.

“Morning, she said as she saw Natalya get down 2 cups. Malcolm left early and he gave me this to give to you,” She said. Her face was neutral as she handed over the plain, white envelope then stepped away back toward her and Tony’s room.

———————————

Natalya,
I normally do this kind of thing face to face but I wanted to spare you that this time. I will not be there for you but since Logan is there, I’d say that you are in good hands. I will always have a special place in my heart for you. I want more than you are able to give right now, perhaps more than you were able to ever give. I am still in love with you, if I weren't I’d not feel as if my insides were being ripped apart. But you know where I live so perhaps this is not the last that we will see one another.

Malcolm

The following morning Natalya awoke and stretched with a yawn. She felt Logan shift and begin to awaken next to her. She leaned down and kissed him before getting up and putting on her robe. She paused at Logan's door and listened to make sure no one else was out there. She then walked out and into the kitchen. She started up the coffee maker and then got down two cups. As she did, she heard someone else walk into the kitchen. She looked over to see Isabella. No matter what time of day, Isabella always seemed to look elegant and put together. Natalya greeted her and then Isabella handed her a plain white envelope. Natalya hesitated before opening it. She read Malcolm's letter and felt a few tears come to her eyes. She knew this was for the best, but it still hurt. She had cared about Malcolm, but he had wanted more from her than she had been able to give. He wanted a more traditional relationship, whereas with Logan things were fluid. Natalya couldn't have children and she wasn't even certain if she wanted to get married. Malcolm deserved more and she hoped that one day he would find what he was looking for in a woman who could and wanted to give it to him.

After the coffee was ready she walked back in to Logan's room. She handed him the cup and sighed.

"Malcolm's gone...he left this morning."

Despite how Logan felt about Natalya, he actually was beginning to like Malcolm. That and his power was hugely useful on missions. He could see that his going affected Natalya. But that was just one more thing that would just take time to heal. He accepted the coffee gratefully.

“You can vocalize if you want Natalya,” Logan said. “How do you feel about this?” he asked.

Natalya sighed and ran a hand through her hair as she considered Logan’s question. “To be honest, I’m not sure how I’m feeling. I truly did care for him, but I don’t think I loved him...at least not the way he did me. I feel like I let him down though.” She sat down on the bed and looked at Logan. “I just hate that he left this way.”

Logan took a sip of his coffee. “You can’t live by another’s expectations. You can only be you. I liked Malcolm but he is alot like Steve. Steve is our moral compass and many times I have held back because of him. But what I like about Steve is that he does not judge me...us, he does not hold us to his expectations and I live how I choose to live. I turned you down before because I didn’t want us to lose our edge. I didn’t want us to hold back or to worry about losing something dear to us. The team needs our aggression, our tactics even though they sometimes call us down for it. Now is a different time. I tasted what life could be like without you and I don’t want to live in that life. And tomorrow could be the last we see one another,” he said as he looked at her.

Natalya listened to what Logan had to say and she knew he was right. It was just going to take time for her heart to heal. She would never regret her relationship with him. He had changed her for the better in many ways. However, in the long run Logan was more like her and could understand her in ways no one else could. She knew she had made the right choice.

She took a sip of her coffee and a thought occurred to her. “Isn’t Serena bringing Gambit to the Tower on Saturday night for dinner? That should be interesting. I wonder if Tony is going to be nice towards him.”

Natalya knew that Logan had been friends with Gambit and he had attended Rogue’s funeral. “I’m not certain if I’ll be nice to him. She’s ‘our’ Serena after all,” Logan said. “Gambit is a friend but...he has a history and I just don’t want her to get hurt,” he said.

Natalya sat casually with her silky legs underneath her. Even with her hair up she was ravishing and her robe was slightly open in the front which showed him just enough cleavage for him to want to look at her. She caught him looking and looked down at herself then back up to him. Without changing his expression at all he reached over and pulled the tie to her robe so it exposed more than just a little of what had remained hidden. Then he nodded in satisfaction and in approval.

Logan looked at her in a very obvious way. She had to know by now that he enjoyed seeing her body. Right now these late night trists were completely up to her. This was...new territory but the damage to her psyche didn’t always allow that she would be up for attending someone else’s needs. If she were not in the right frame of mind mentally and emotionally it could have an untoward effect on her. A possibility that Logan was not going to chance right now. If he had his way though she’d always stay in his room and likely have sex with her every night. Maybe even once during the day too. Inadvertently she had turned on that switch inside of him and he had no way to turn it off.