What It All Means

The next few hours several nurses in white uniforms came in and out and Evan was hooked up to more machines. A crash cart was brought in and he was hooked up to an IV and a heart monitor that beeped. His blood pressure was dangerously low and he no longer opened his eyes. To Natalya he’d look extremely pale and his veins seemed to bulge with the blackness of the Dark matter Ether that was killing him. Marantha was there but stood back near the table. She wore a dark blue dress that hugged her curves and a white shawl. Dimitri came in with a small, metal case and another doctor Natalya had never seen before. While he began to take Evan’s vitals Dimitri moved to give Marantha a hug but was met with a kiss and a bit more as Marantha greeted him warmly.

“You’re going to save our son today Dimitri, Do not look so worried,” she said calmly. However she was far from calm. She had birthed him from her body and witnessed every moment of his growth. To say she was attached to him was an understatement. Being apart from him was difficult but like any other parent she let go and let him be the man he is now. Dimitri opened the case and removed the large, metal syringe. He looked over at Natalya.

“Natalya, Evan is going to be in alot of pain,you don’t have to witness this if you don’t want to,” he said. “And ofcourse, I can’t even be certain it will work. Or what the injection will do to him,” He said. Marantha wondered herself what concoction Dimitri had created and why he needed Natalya’s blood to make it. She didn’t speak her concerns though. She sighed and observed silently. “We’re ready Dimitri,” The doctor said and a nurse moved and began to prepare the crash cart.

Natalya just stayed near Evan and held his hand. If these were to be her last hours with him she wanted to be near him the entire time. She studied his face closely, taking in every detail and memorizing it. She remained by his side as the nurses began to come in and out and began to hook him up to more machines. She took little notice of them or what they were doing until a crash cart was brought in. Just looking at it caused a lump in Natalya's throat. She had only just begun to understand this love she was feeling and soon it might all be lost. She knew there could never possibly be anyone else she would love. Evan was it and would always be the only one, no matter what happened today.

Finally Marantha and then Dimitri and another doctor walked in. Natalya was forced to move back away from Evan, though she didn't want to. She noticed that Dimitri had with him and large case and from it he pulled out a large, metal syringe. She wondered what injection Evan was going to be given and whether he had found anything in her blood. However, now was not the time to ask. She refused to leave, wanting to be there with him no matter what occurred. She stayed back, but kept her eyes on Evan.

Finally Dimitri took up the syringe and let a small amount of liquid squirt out in case there might be an air bubble inside the syringe. Certain he was ready the nurses pulled up the leather straps from the sides of the bed and secured Evan’s wrists and ankles securely in them. The doctor put something in Evan’s mouth to prevent him from swallowing or biting his tongue during this procedure. More SHIELD guards positioned themselves outside and all inside could see them through the frosted glass though only their shapes.

“Im...frightened,” Marantha said from where she stood but her voice still sounded calm. “So am I,” Dimitri said grimly and shifted toward the IV. He began to press the greenish liquid into the IV and soon the clear line of liquid that flowed into Evan’s arm became green. It took a full minute for Dimitri to push the whole syringe into the IV line but to everyone watching, nothing looked as if anything was happening.

The moment Evan lost consciousness he suddenly became aware that he was no longer in the SHIELD Infirmary. He was in a place he didn’t recognize. The floor beneath him was cool as marble was cool and smooth too to the touch. It was completely dark here and even his ability to see in the dark didn’t seem to be able to cut through...whatever this was.

“Hello?” He called out but his voice didn’t seem to carry very far. And even to his own ears his voice sounded stifled and closed in. “Hello!?” He called out louder but even his shout died just a few feet from where he was. He could feel no walls or ceiling, only the floor. And then there was another sensation that came over him, movement. All around him he sensed that there were beings but each time he reached outward into the blackness that surrounded him he thought they avoided his touch. “Where am I?” He called out into the blackness. There was no reply but he knew who or whatever they were they were aware of him. Had he died and he was stuck in some form of purgatory? He didn’t know and the thought made him upset and angry. Natalya was with him and he honestly felt as if he had begun to make some sort of impression upon her. He had tried not to force anything between them but she was so unbelievably gorgeous and he felt as if she really needed him. “This can’t be it!” He yelled angrily and moved in one direction for a time. And then another and another. But it was always the same. Blackness and the sense that he wasn’t alone. And then a jolt of pain knocked him onto the hard floor…

“Arrrrrrckkkk!” Evan croaked as his body was wracked with pain. He convulsed as the serum began to course through his body. He bit onto the leather rod hard and his whole body tried to curve upward. He seemed to stay that was as he exhaled and then he fell back to the bed, As soon as he did that the heart monitor went to a straight line and the beeping turned into a stead wail.And then everything began to happen at once. The doctor, Dimitri and the nurses began to work on him. One gave him breaths while Dimitri did chest compressions as the nurse prepared the shock paddles.

Natalya could only stand back and watch in silence as Dimitri pushed the liquid from the syringe into the IV. She held her breath as she watched it make its way through the tubing and then into his body. At first nothing seemed to happen and she wasn't sure if whatever it was was going to work. But then she suddenly saw him move violently and convulse. Then, to her horror he fell back onto the bed and the heart monitor suddenly went into a straight line as he began to crash. She felt sick and tears came to her eyes. She instinctively pulled his leather jacket tighter around her, his scent drifting up into her nose. She then closed her eyes and turned her head away, unable to watch anymore.

Marantha began to speak in an odd language as if she were saying some kind of prayer for him. Dimitri pounded on Evan’s chest as the nurse yelled “Clear!” Everyone pulled back as she hit him with the paddles. His body convulsed but settled back and the blue and red lines on the monitor lurched but went back to a straight line again. Once more they began compressions as they waited for the paddles to charge up again.

In the darkness Evan felt at his chest. Whatever had happened it hurt...alot. “The Ether is part of you Evan Darksoul,” A voice hissed from the darkness. He could barely make out a woman’s form as she was huddled over him. Her legs and arms were bent at odd angles and her hair moved as if she were suspended in water. “It will no longer serve them or lead them to what they seek,” She cackled as if she were a crazy crone or witch. She took in his scent and nearly fell over in ecstasy from it. “Who are you, where am I?” He asked.

In the room the paddles were ready. “Clear!” The nurse yelled again and everyone backed off as she jolted him again. His body convulsed but then settled back again. There was no change and the nurse flashed Dimitri and consoling look. Dimitri continued compressions but the other doctor leaned back from giving Evan mouth to mouth. “Dimitri...he’s…” He began. “He’s my son!” Dimitri said as tears rolled down his cheeks. He leaned back and shook Evan. “Come back god damn you!” He shouted.

“Who we are is not important...What you seek is...Find the Stone Dark one,” She said and others close to him leaned in and inhaled his scent then leaned back relishing the sensation. He wasn’t certain if what they were doing was smelling him or or this was all just his interpretation of what they were actually doing. “Find it, find it, find it!” They all said in unison as pain wracked him once more.

Dimitri turned to look at Marantha who took a step forward toward Evan. “Fight son...fight Evan!” She said urgently. No one but she seemed to notice the Veins in his face, neck and chest were now no longer black and bulged out onto the surface of his flesh.

Natalya closed her eyes tighter as she heard the sounds of Dimitri and the doctor and nurses fighting to save him. She wanted to leave, but she forced herself to stay. Why had she allowed herself to get this close to him? The pain she felt inside her heart hurt more than any torture she had ever received. It was a deep...soul crushing hurt that also brought her physical pain. Evan had been the only person to ever show her any kind of kindness. In such a short amount of time he had changed her...changed her life.

She finally forced herself to turn and without thinking about what she was doing she moved closer to him. She found a place out of the way of everyone else and she slowly reached out and took his hand into her own. She didn't look at anything but his face.

Natalya was thinking that these were going to be the last moments Evan was going to be alive and she had just wanted to be with him up until the end. She had not thought that her touch might actually help him. But suddenly, she felt his hand tighten slightly in her own. She could sense something had changed and it was then that she realized she no longer heard the heart monitor at all. It had gone silent. Natalya held her breath and to her absolute relief she saw Evan's eyes suddenly flutter open and look deeply into her own. The fear and then relief was evident in her own and she was surprised to see how different his eyes looked. The violet that had been there was suddenly much deeper and brighter, but they were still Evan's. As everyone breathed a sigh of relief she saw something...a slight smirk on his face that caused her to smile and shake her head because she knew what that meant!

She moved back temporarily to allow his parents room to see and speak to him, but she remained close. However, after they were gone she moved back over and sat on the edge of the bed.

"I've been here almost the entire time," she told him. "At first I was being held in a cell, but your mother arranged my release and for me to be here with you."

Natalya could see he needed some water, but he seemed to need her to stay right next to him at that moment so she didn't move. She felt him squeeze her hand and it brought her comfort to know that he was going to be alright. She watched him and could see in his eyes that he was in pain, but he was trying to ignore it. However, he was starting to fail. She had no plan to leave him, however. She would stay by him as long as he needed her to.

"Corvus got away," she told him quietly as she reached over and gently ran her fingers through his shortened hair. It was a very affectionate gesture for her. A clear sign that she did have feelings for him...strong feelings. "As soon as you broke the cylinder he disappeared. The Black Soldiers that were there all...dissolved is the best way to describe it."

She then got up and walked over and poured some water into a glass. She walked back over and sat back down to help him drink some.

Natalya stayed with Evan all night. She slept easier knowing that he was alive. No one knew what the long term effects of the Dark Matter would be on him, but they would take it day by day. That was all they could do. Natalya ensured that Evan got what he wanted and needed and made sure his water glass was always filled and within reach. So when she walked into his room and saw the pitcher was empty she picked it up and started to walk out of the room to refill it. As she opened the door she heard the unmistakable sounds of Dimitri and Marantha’s voices. She paused, not wanting to interrupt them, but something about their conversation caught her attention and she began to listen more closely. When she heard the SSB mentioned she knew they were talking about her, but what was it they were discussing. But then she heard it...”super soldier serum”. She had of course heard of it before. Everyone in the world knew Captain America and he had been created using that serum. During her entire life she had never known that that same serum flowed within her veins. She had always understood that she had been “created” but somehow knowing that this serum was in her blood made her stomach turn. She was an experiment...nothing more. They had never given her a chance at a normal life. They had taken everything from her and the feeling left her empty. She had always thought her abilities the result of intense training, but it was a lie. She hated them all.

As Dimitri and Marantha walked away, Natalya stepped into another room to be alone. The room was filled with supplies and other equipment. Natalya stood there trying to breathe and calm down. She was in shock and needed to get control of herself. Then it happened. Like the water in a dam being let loose, a flood of horrific memories came flooding back into her mind. She had buried them deep inside her...not wanting to remedy the truly gruesome things that had been done to her. But now they came rushing back all at once. Natalya dropped the pitcher and it crashed to the floor and shattered. Suddenly, in a fit of rage and despair Natalya began to destroy the room she was in. She threw glass beakers against the wall and overturned tables. She picked up and hurled equipment, smashing them into pieces. She was so angry that she wanted to destroy the world.

Down the hall Alyssa came running with five other agents. They had seen her on one of the cameras and each had their gun drawn. Natalya heard them come up. Her back was to them. Blood dropped down her arms from the broken glass, but that pain was insignificant compared to what she felt inside. That pain was like a fire burning her from the inside out. It hurt like nothing she had ever felt before and she wanted it to end.

“Do it.”

The pain Natalya was feeling wasn't physical, but it hurt her physically. She had thought that perhaps she could have a normal life now that she was away from the SSB. Those thoughts had been foolish. She would never have the chance at a "normal" life. Not with what they had done to her. She was an experiment gone wrong...barely even human. Perhaps Evan had been right in thinking she was nothing more than a killing machine. The pain was too much and Natalya wanted it to end. She couldn't explain it to Alyssa, or anyone else for that matter. It was beyond explanation...beyond reasonable thought.

When she began to realize that they might not shoot her as she wanted them to she began to think that she would have to take matters into her own hands. She spotted a long, very sharp shard of thick glass on the floor near her feet. She reached down and picked it up. She could hear the agents shifting behind her and knew they were thinking she was going to use it upon them. That was not her intent at all. Her only thought as she looked at the glass shard was of Evan and how she had thought she could finally be happy. She had realized though that her life had been robbed entirely of any happiness and she could not allow him to waste his happiness upon her. She was a lost cause. Tears began to slip down her cheeks as she thought about the love she felt for him and how she would never be able to actually tell him those words. If she had a single regret that was it.

As she lifted up the glass shard she gripped the opposite end with both hands, intent on using as much force as she could. And as she aimed the shard towards her stomach it would become immediately clear she intended not to use it on them...but on herself.

Natalya saw out of the corner of her right eye the shadows start to shift and move and she knew then that Evan was coming. She really didn't want him to see her like this. She was at the absolute lowest point she had ever been in during her entire life and it was not like her to just give up. But this pain was immense and she felt like it was going to swallow her whole. She heard Evan's voice, but she didn't want to look at him. She knew if she did that she would lose all the control she had left. But she couldn't help herself and she looked at him and eyes slowly met his. Evan would be able to see the intense mental pain she was in. She was vulnerable, scared, and angry. She then dropped the shard to the ground and collapsed down to her knees and began to sob.

"They turned me into a monster!"

Natalya was doubled over and sobbing when Evan came down onto his knees before her. She felt him pull her into his arms and he would feel her trembling against him. Her tears soaked his shirt, but he then gently lifted up her face to look at him. Extreme pain and shame were reflected in her eyes as she looked at him. She felt battered and broken...a shell of who she had been. She didn't understand why Evan still wanted her. She was a mess, with extreme baggage and powerful people now hunting her. By being with her it put him in the crossfire. She wanted to tell him that he shouldn't be with her...that he needed to stay away from her, but when she heard those three little words more tears filled her eyes. They were such small words, but hearing someone say them to her...especially him meant more to her than anyone could have understood. No one had ever loved her before...or shown her any kindness or affection. Love had been weakness. But not now. Now she knew that love was strength. She could feel it flowing through her as he held her close to him. Being near him gave her strength in a way nothing else ever had. Her heart was filled with joy and happiness for the first time in her life.

"I love you too Evan."