Not Much of a Honeymoon

The wedding had been a grand affair and they decided to just merge the sides as she only had her Father. The church was completely packed with his family though, the men in their uniforms, the women in nice, expensive dresses bought and tailored new for this occasion. She had seen pictures of his former wife, she was young and pretty too like she was but he would not talk about her death. No one did.

The church was huge, its ceiling was several stories high and the age and ornateness of it was awe inspiring. They were wed in the protestant manner, a structured ceremony where he kissed her chastely on the lips. If it had been with Joaquin this would undoubtedly be the happiest moment of her life. With the Duke? It was exciting but also there was trepidation and that underlying question of why this was happening n the first place.

Their reception was equally grand, if not grander. Musicians, jugglers and fire eaters provided the entertainment. Food and drink and dancing until her feet hurt. Helen and Emily were allowed to come as well as her dogs. The Duke was very accommodating in what she wanted and that was something, at least. The consummation he warned was embarrassing as the men escorted her up one staircase while the women escorted him. Each group giving them suggestions, some quite crude and disgusting to be sure. When the doors to the bedroom were closed she noticed the Duke appeared grateful to have a little peace and privacy. It had been a long day and she had to get out of these shoes.

Nathan was about 6 feet tall and about 210#. He had thinning hair a mixture of brown and silver and gray, with blue eyes. He was lightly compacted and his cheeks were often red when he was warm or angry, embarrassed or excited. He was a solid man, not athletic exactly but solidly made. As they stood up against the closed doors in silence that silence drew on for a few moments and finally the Duke looked over at her.

“Well, my darling Emma” he said softly. But then turned and moved to her. Without speaking he leaned down and kissed her lips. His were stiff at first, cool to her own but they seemed to soften eventually and warm up. “Come my dear,” he whispered, took a step back and took hold of her hand.

Emma felt numb through the entire wedding ceremony. All she could think about was the fact that she wished it were Joaquin she was standing with instead of Nathan. However, she stood quietly and spoke the appropriate words and then allowed Nathan to kiss her. Her dress was a silvery white with long sleeves and a full skirt. Her hair had been curled and pinned up and she stood straight and tall, like the noble born woman she was. Emma forced smiles and accepted well wishes and congratulations from those in attendance. Emma ate and drank champagne and danced with any man who wanted to dance with her. She moved gracefully and seemed to float when she danced.

As the night wore on thoughts of that night started to fill Emma's head. Had it been Joaquin she would have been both nervous and excited, but with Nathan she just felt unsure. Finally, it was time for them to depart the celebration and Emma was led by a group of women up the staircase while being forced to listen to their crude suggestions and comments. She was actually grateful when she was in the room and everyone was gone. Emma looked over at Nathan and an awkward silence filled the space between them. She looked at him and hoped that she could find some level of happiness with him. She had to cling to that hope. He would at least take care of her and she would be a Duchess and well off. He had also agreed to let Emily and Helen come with her and be her attendants still. She would also have her dogs so she would not be entirely alone. Emma felt her heartbeat start to increase nervously as Nathan turned to look at her. She closed her eyes as he leaned down to kiss her and forced herself to relax and kiss him back. Then, as he took her hand and bade her to come with him she nodded slightly and walked with him back to the bedroom.

The bedroom was massive with gold gilt that framed the off white walls and golden framed paintings of mountains and lakes, rivers and meadows in soft, pleasant colors. The bed was very large and had a royal blue quilt that she knew must have taken months to make. There was a small privy with real porcelain for the sink and tub. And that was something unheard of even for a wealthy man like the Duke. her closet was to the left and he let her go that way. His was to the right, both walk ins and though the light in the room was dim she could see all the dresses, night gowns, robes, slippers, hats and shoes that she had been fitted for. Helen had selected something provocative for her to wear but as she looked at it she knew all it was going to do is prolong what was going to happen. The lingerie covered her from just above her breasts to her thighs and then there was a thin, sheer lace, all in white that extended down to her ankles. It was quite lovely for sure but it would be one more thing Nathan would have to work around. While she was deciding she heard the pop of cork and the pouring of champagne back in the room.

Emma was quite impressed with the room. It was three times the size of her bedroom at home and didn't have quite as much detail. The bed was large and looked very comfortable and there was even a small sitting area and vanity set up for her. However, what impressed her the most was the real porcelain sink and tub. Emma suddenly began to imagine what she could do with the kind of money Nathan had. She could buy whatever she wanted! This house would be hers to control when Nathan was away, which she heard was quite often. The power she was going to have was tantalizing. In her closet she found dresses, hats, shoes, silk robes and slippers and anything else she could ever need. What she did not like though was the lingerie that clearly Helen had picked out. Emma looked at it and cringed. She didn't want to wear it. She didn't want to parade in front of Nathan. To be perfectly honest she just wanted to get this night over with. She put the piece away, hiding it deep in her closet. She then heard the popping of a champagne cork and slowly walked out to see Nathan pouring two glasses of champagne.

"You went to a lot of trouble for me," she said meaning all of the clothes and accessories. "You didn't have to do that...but I appreciate it."

The Duke smiled and thought that they should have served lamb at the wedding, not beef as he thought about Emma. A part of him a small part wouldn’t mind a young, beautiful wife like her. There was a certain...appeal he had for her but he had to remember why they chose her and her father in the first place. No courtship, no engagement, and no one seemed to be the wiser. Well he would ‘enjoy’ her nonetheless he knew but it was grating to lay with someone lesser than himself. But there was nothing for it he sighed as he poured the champagne.

He was dressed in black pajama bottoms and a black and gray silk robe that hat his crest on the left breast. It was open in the front so he stomach and chest was showing and his chest had a bit of curly, black hair on it. On it and his arms. He picked up the glasses and waited for his blushing bride to appear. He didn't like waiting but managed to keep his smile.

Emma ultimately decided to change into one of the white nightgowns and a matching silk robe. She took down her hair and lightly ran her fingers through it. She took off her jewelry and carefully put it away in her jewelry box. She thought again of her mother's diamond bracelet and that stranger from the ball. She sighed and closed the jewelry box and took a deep breath to steady her nerves before stepping out. She slowly approached Nathan and took one of the glasses of champagne.

Nathan was pleased by her appearance and he handed her a glass then chimed them together which made a ring of sound when their glasses met. He drank just a few sips.At first he thought about engaging her in conversation. But all that would do is prolong this and to be honest, now that he saw her he found that he did want her. She was properly demure. He reached out and touched her cheek. She looked nervous he thought and he leaned in to whisper in her ear. “Everything will be alright Emma,” he said as he took her glass. He set them next to the bed and then let his robe fall away off his shoulders. He had thick arms. Most everything about him was thick. He looked into her eyes then reached down and undid the tie of her robe. He kissed her once, a simple kiss and then kissed her again as she felt his hands begin to work on the buttons of her nightgown.

Emma was nervous though she tried to hide it as best she could. She took a few sips of champagne to calm her nerves, though it did little to help. She had never been with a man before...not even Joaquin. They had vowed to wait until they were married and had it been him right now she would have been also excited. Right now, she was just unsure. She was grateful when Nathan didn't try to engage her in conversation. She just wanted to get this entire thing over with. She felt her heart beat increase as he whispered in her ear that everything would be alright. She felt him take her glass from her hand and watched as he set them on the bedside table. She looked away slightly as he removed his robe and let it fall away. She closed her eyes as he kissed her. He pulled back for a moment before kissing her again. She let him, although she was too nervous to actually kiss him back. Her mind was still telling her that something wasn't right about this situation...something was wrong. She felt his hands begin to undo the buttons on her nightgown and she had to stop herself from fully panicking and pulling away. She began to tremble as no man had ever seen her naked before...at least not as a full gown woman.

The nightgown fell away down to her ankles and the Duke’s eyes took in her shape. She ‘was’ beautiful in almost every way. He felt...conflict rise up almost immediately in him. Few women he had ever seen could outshine what was beset before him. He touched her shoulders and then put his hands on her pale, plump breasts. He paused and drew his hands away. He brought them down to her hands then lifted hers up and guided them to the ties on his pajama pants. He stepped forward so he could continue fondling her young, perfect breasts.

He saw that her eyes were still closed but he didn’t really care so much about that. What he sought was her sex and so when he felt his pants fall he shifted to lift up the quilt and sheet then guided her back to sit upon the bed.

Standing there his penis wasn’t particularly large or long but it was fairly thick around. He was already engorged and ready for her and so he leaned her back onto the bed.

Emma felt her entire face start to flush as her nightgown fell away. Although she kept her eyes closed she knew he was looking at her. She didn't know what to do as he put his hands on her breasts. She wanted to cover herself back up and jump under the covers, but there was no turning back now. She began to tremble even more when he guided her hand to the ties on his pajama pants. He practically had to do it for her, but her hand was there.

Suddenly, she felt his pants fall away and then then began to guide her back to sit on the bed. Slowly her eyes opened and she found herself looking at him. Now, Emma knew what parts a man had. However, she had never seen them before and almost felt...disgusted by it. Nothing about this man was handsome or attractive and she felt no desire for him at all. However, she knew that she needed to do what she needed to do. She had married him after all and this was apart of marriage. He leaned her back on the bed and she just stared up at the top of the four poster bed. In her mind, she began to sing a song her mother had sung to her whenever she was upset as a child. It had always calmed her down and made her feel better. She hoped that it would work in this case as well.

At first there was pain. An ache that seemed to go on and on. He had his head past her shoulder and he grunted as he began to move. That hurt too and he couldn’t see the horrified, fearful look in her eyes. She noticed that his back was hairy too and he might remind her of a bear of some sort. For him he kissed her neck and licked her earlobe and moved as much as he could move as he laid on top of her. Each thrust pinched, she was dry as a bone but either he didn’t feel it or didn’t care he continued and moaned as if she was doing something particularly pleasurable to him. In just a couple of minutes he groaned and she felt the wetness of his seed as it spilled into her opening. Some had gotten onto her leg too and dribbled down onto the bed sheet. After he came he kissed her cheek and even pinched it like a father might then rolled over to go to sleep. Feeling down her middle where it hurt the most she lifted up her hand to examine it and there was blood mixed in with his seed.

Emma winced as he began to push into her. She wanted to tell him to stop...that it hurt, but she knew she couldn't. She gripped the bed sheets so hard her knuckles turned bright white and she bit her lip to keep from crying. She just stared up at the bed canopy and sung her mother's song even louder in her head. He made all kinds of noises, but she didn't make a sound. It was excruciating and she just wanted it all end. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, she felt him suddenly tense up and groan very loudly. His face seemed pinched and red at first but then relaxed and he smiled with his eyes closed as she felt a wetness fill her. He then pulled out of her and kissed her cheek and pinched her before rolling over and going to sleep without a word. It was over and instead of being elated and extremely happy she felt even more alone. She moved her hand down as she felt quite a bit of wetness and when she pulled her fingers up she saw blood. She got up from the bed and put on her robe. Nathan didn't even stir. She went quickly to the bathroom where she grabbed a towel and used some water to clean herself up. She felt dirty and violated and more alone than she had felt before. She then slowly sat down onto the bathroom floor and cried.

The next morning she felt his lips on her cheek. “How is my lovely wife today?” He said as he smiled at her. He said nothing about the night before as far as he was concerned it was done, their marriage consummated but he did fondle her left breast again over her gown. He sat up and stretched. “We can’t lay about all morning darling, we have to pack,” he said in a yawn. “I’ve decided that for our honeymoon we’ll vacation in Sussex, see the ocean and relax, does that sound acceptable? There is a lovely park, you can take your puppies,” he said and smiled though he wasn’t facing her. “I have a place there too,” he added. “In the study I’d like you to sign some papers too, today you become a Duchess,” he said and winked at her. He seemed...happy. And uplifted to her.

Emma didn't sleep much that night...if at all. She felt sick to her stomach and was on the verge of breaking down all night. Finally, towards dawn she drifted off, but only two hours later she was awoken by Nathan kissing her on her cheek. She slowly sat up and listened as he told her about their honeymoon. She didn't really feel like going on a honeymoon but the thought of seeing the ocean and bringing her dogs sounded a little better. She forced a smile and got up and put on her robe.

"That all sounds...wonderful."

He allowed her to eat in her room and seemed to understand when she complained of not feeling well. Emily brought up her tray but Helen brought her her two babies. They barked and wagged their tails asndlicked her face when she brought them onto the bed. The Duke would not be happy at all. Emily served her Tea, mixed juice, Crepes with strawberries, pralines, chocolate and whipped cream, petite sausages and a mint mousse that was so light it felt like eating a cloud. Everything was delicious.

“Mon ami, how was your first night with the Duke?” Helen asked excitedly. Emily blushed but didn’t seem that she was in all too big a hurry to depart either. They were both in their usual dresses, Helen pink and Emily yellow and both looked and smelled clean and refreshed.

Emma was happy to see her dogs and she immediately pulled them up with her into bed. She smiled and let them lick her face and she kissed them. Although she hadn't thought she would be able to eat anything she found that as soon as she saw the food Emily and Helen brought her she was suddenly hungry. She hadn't eaten very much the night before and now had quite the appetite. She had hoped that Helen wouldn't ask her about her first night with Nathan but she wasn't surprised when she did ask. Disappointing...painful...lonely.

"It was...alright."

Helen’s disappointed mimicked her own. ‘Well, I saw the gathering in the study. Guess who will become a Duchess today!?” she said excitedly. “One day you’ll meet the King Emma...the King!” he said and had to bend over to kiss her cheek.

They helped her dress, a dark blue dress cut in a newer style. Now as broad as most around the hem and slimming. The bodice was tight but in the mirror it looked positively spectacular. They did her hair in a curved braid and attached a blue lace to her braids. There were jewels in her jewelry box too, rubies, emerald, sapphires and diamonds. necklaces , bracelet, earrings and brooches. WIth her dogs held, one by helen, the other Emily Emma was brought to the study by one of the Duke’s butlers, she had not learned his name. Several men in dark suits were already inside and the Duke bowed nobly toward her. “My lady, my darling wife, now is the time,” he said and held out his hand to her to sit at his large, blackwood desk. That too she noticed had to cost a fortune. Blackwood had been extinct for half a century. Or so her father told her.

On the desk was a small stack of papers, a quill and an ink pot made out of crystal. One of the other men had a copy of what was there and cleared his throat as he began to read.

It spoke of her responsibilities, titles and duties as Duchess of Cumberland...one of the richest and more prestigious regions in Great Britain. There would be a grace period where she would be allowed to learn her duties before she would be expected to. Her husband dipped the quill and then handed it to her.

Emma tried to pretend she was excited, but she truly wasn't and was already growing tired of pretending. However, she rose and allowed Helen and Emily to dress her. She found that she did like the new, dark blue dress they had picked out for her and added a pearl necklace. It took over an hour for her to finish dressing and then she was shown down to the study by Nathan's butler while Emily and Helen followed behind holding her dogs. Inside the study she found not only Nathan, but several other men as well gathered around his large, and quite beautiful, desk. She took a seat at the desk and quietly listened as the document was read aloud. She felt slightly overwhelmed by it all, but she slowly took the pre-dipped quill and signed the document in her elegant hand.

Two of the men nodded bows to her and said. “Congratulations my lady,” and sounded actually sincere. They bowed again to the duke as they carefully stowed away those documents in a leather bound case. The Duke helped her up and kissed her cheek. “I am so proud Emma, you will make an excellent Duchess,” he said but that...that did not sound so sincere. “We will talk later, why don’t you go and enjoy the day,” he told her. “It is wonderful outside,” he said and smiled at her.

‘Well,” Emily said. “That was...odd,” she added as they walked along the courtyard. There were hedges trimmed perfectly in a circular maze pattern and trees beyond there.

Helen only shrugged. "Who knows what men thing eh?" She said.

Emma should have been happy to become a Duchess and to be married to such a rich and powerful man, but she felt empty, confused, and unsure of everything that was happening. She told herself she was being ridiculous, but that feeling refused to go away...especially after hearing the insincerity in her husband's voice upon congratulating her. She forced a smile and nodded and left the room. She walked through the courtyard with Emily and Helen and did not say much. There was a lot on her mind, but having her friends close helped. She walked outside for a time with them before returning inside to begin packing to go to Sussex.

"It will be nice to get away," Emma finally said. "The weather should be lovely this time of year."

"Ohhh, Sussex! We're going to Sussex?" Helen said. "How exciting. All the ships and seagulls and the ocean. Perhaps this will help your Duke find his inner romance?" She said hopefully. "Emily didn't respond. "We uh, we are going with you yes?" She asked. "A lady wouldn't be without her...uh, attendants," she added. It was clear they both wanted to go...badly. Emily had never been anywhere and she would need someone to look after her dogs when she could not. And she'd not want to leave them with a stranger either. They knew Helen and Emily and liked them. "We'll help you pack ofcourse," Emily said.

It had taken hours but the bed was covered in bags. Large, square ones, round ones and on the floor, a large trunk all filled with her things. Dresses, undergarments and hats, shoes, jewelry and sleepwear. She even had a few umbrellas for shade if she needed them. Helen and Emily were sweating when they were done but it was all there. Together they dragged it off the bed and put them in a pile near the desk. Unfortunately they weren't leaving until tomorrow morning which meant another night with Nathan. Helen did give her some ideas to improve the outcome of that encounter, should she have the mind to do them. Part of the act of making love, she explained, was up to the woman. If she could ignite his passions there was no telling how wonderful it could all become. She would have gone on in greater detail but Emily shushed her.

Emma most certainly intended for Emily and Helen to travel with her and decided she would speak with Nathan that night regarding the matter. In the meantime, she directed them on what to pack. She wasn't sure what she would need in Sussex so she had them pack quite a bit. She would need both more casual dresses and then evening gowns as well in case they attended any formal parties. Of course each piece of clothing had other pieces that went with it and pretty soon the bags began to pile up. She, however, wanted to be prepared for whatever she might need.

Packing had distracted her from thinking about another night with Nathan, but those thoughts returned to her when Helen began to try and give her tips. She felt her face flush slightly and she was glad when Emily quieted her. She didn't really feel much like talking about the subject. It soon became time to dress for dinner and she joined Nathan down in the dining room.

"I would like to bring Helen and Emily with me to Sussex," she told Nathan as their meals were served.

Nathan was dressed in a formal suit this time. A dark gray that had a certain shimmer to it in the light. It flattered him and he had shaved and smelled pretty good as if his bath was perfumed with flowers of some kind. He had complimented her on her dress and hair and before he even lifted a bite of food to his lips he heard her request. It irritated him but also intrigued him. She wanted what she wanted...he actually liked that.

“My darling...you do not have to ask me. If you wish it to be so than it is so,” He said. His brother had explained to him that if she is to be a Duchess, not everything happened as they planned, she’d need to ‘be’ a Duchess and he’d have to make allowances. There was just them two in the large dining room and he wanted to talk to her tonight. Especially after he had that long discussion with everyone. He huffed at how far away she was, the table was too large and the table setting obstructed his view of her. And he had to admit, she was alot more interested to look at than the flowers. He sighed and picked up his plate.

Her look of outright surprise was actually...amusing. He sat down to her right as if he were lesser than her. He took up her hand. “Emma, I know this is not what you expected and you feel...out of sorts about me, about everything. I commend you on your patience and tolerance. Your father told me of your Officer and how much you cared for him. And I know you do not love me and maybe like is even too strong a word. I am out of sorts too,” he said softly as a servant came to bring him new tableware. Then he moved away. “When I lost my wife...did they tell you she was with child?” He said. That part was true and it had taken a long time for him to get over that. She could have had his son in her belly he thought. He didn’t just ‘need’ a son to keep his family of wolves at bay. He wanted one too. And this was where his plan, all of it wasn’t perfect. Emma was young and beautiful. She could give him sons. He wanted to go on but he kept thinking of her right then. He could not see his expression of loss which was genuine. He didn’t even know why he was talking to her at all except...except he just needed to.

Emma hadn't quite known what Nathan's response might be to her request, but for some reason his complete acquiesce was a little surprising...though pleasantly so. She simply nodded a little and was about to take a sip of her wine when he suddenly got up with his plate and wine glass and moved over to sit right next to her. She could not hide the look of surprise on her face and at first didn't know what to say. However, when he took up her hand she looked at him and listened to what he had to say. As he spoke about the loss of his first wife she could see the genuine look of sadness in his eyes and it caused her to soften and think that perhaps she had judged him too harshly. They each had lost someone and only someone who had gone through such an ordeal could truly understand it. She sighed softly and shook her head a little.

"I didn't know she was with child. I'm so sorry. I'm also sorry for my behavior. To be perfectly honest I wasn't sure why you wanted to marry me when you could easily have your pick of any eligible woman. Clearly my father is not in the best financial situation and it caused doubt to enter my mind and for that I apologize. I appreciate the fact that you chose me and I hope to never let you down. I would like to get to know you better so I can be the best wife I can be for you."

Nathan smiled at her words. Her honesty was just so...refreshing to him and it was affecting his will to just cast her aside like some pawn in a chess game. All of the planning and politics. The plots and how he knew there was no love lost with his family made him...weary. He still intended what he intended, he was bordering on financial ruin but something about Emma gave him pause. Like he’d miss her if something did happen to her. Since his beloved wife died he had lost all feeling, for anyone including god. Now, as he looked into her big blue eyes he felt...inferior, unworthy and it made him swallow.  

“Emma...you are the most beautiful woman I have ever met. And...well, though that in itself is not such a great reason when I see...when I see your poise and beauty in our children I know I’ll be the happiest man alive. You are unique and I have no will to possess you, only learn how to love you,” he said and that seemed to surprise them both. What was he doing? He didn’t know exactly but he took her hand and set it upon his left breast. His heart was beating fast and hard for her!