How To let Him Go

Nauriel had seen Calene upset, happy, sad, angry and everything in between. She knew when her daughter was love sick, she had seen that look before. As they sat together doing a bit of embroidery she had had enough of her melancholy. Why she let this Deshane go was beyond her. She was certain if Calene made it a point for him to say she could have made her case and he would have stayed.

“Alright Calene, it’s been an entire week, Deshane is gone and you let him go. Why on earth did you let him if you loved him so? I can’t possibly know what had happened and it is not my intent to pry but I am your mother. If you need to talk to someone, please talk to me daughter...please. I can not bare to see you so sad,” she said though she felt like going to her right then and there.

Calene thought about nothing but Deshane for a week. She had hoped that he would change his mind and stay, but he had not. She had believed he had taken the gold reward, but found out several days later that he had not and had instead given to the woman who had lost her son. Knowing that made her love him even more and become even more heartsick. She was sitting with her mother, trying to do some embroidery, but the stitching made her think of Deshane.

"I tried to make him stay mother," she replied. "I put my heart out before him entirely. I asked him to stay...even told him I loved him and he still left. He made his choice and I want him to be happy...even if it's not with me. I will not force him to do something he does not want. I won't be that kind of woman."

“Pah…” she said and tossed her embroidery hoop back into the basket beside her. Her daughter was unhappy...no, heartsick and there was nothing she could do about it though she wished there was. “Men will go where their heart tells them...you could have gotten him to stay if you really wanted him to,” she said in a suggestive tone. Hardly something she’d ever say to her younger daughters, especially Arina but Calene was a woman now. “I’ve come to know a little about this Deshane...did you know he and a few others held the inner city gates until Rohan arrived?” She said. “He lost his brother and father on that day. Though all of us lost someone during that time,” she told her.

Calene was already upset over Deshane, so having her mother make it out be her fault that he was gone only made things worse. She felt sick to her stomach suddenly and just wanted to go back to her room.

"May I please be excused?" she asked her. "I am not feeling well and would just like to go lie down."

“Yes you may daughter, but this...this sulking is over, yes?” She said in a tone that would brook no argument. “What's done is done and we need you Calene. We need you at your best. Shall I see you at court tomorrow?” She asked but it wasn’t really phrased as a question. That and there were three more suitors who were interested in her. She was about to say something about them but decided that she had said enough for now.

Calene simply nodded and returned to her room without another word. Once in the privacy of her room she cried once again for Deshane. She knew that there were other men who were interested in her, but no one would compare to Deshane in her eyes. He was a real man...whereas these other suitors were still boys. However, she had no choice now. She would have to choose one of them.

The following morning she was dressed by her servants for court. This would be her first appearance in court since her abduction. She was dressed in dark blue and her hair was left down. Her tiara was placed upon her head and she wore a simple necklace and earrings. Once ready she was escorted to court by her guards.

It was no different than it had been before. Nobles of all classes were there waiting to have their voices heard. Now more than ever they resembled peacocks. Deshane had described them like that and now that's only how she might see them. A dark green coat here, a lock of dark hair there. Everything reminded her of him. “Uh, Princess Calene?” A voice asked from beside her. “So it IS you,” the voice said and she might think she recognized it. When she looked over at where it came from she was a young man with short, blonde hair and deep blue eyes. He had a kind, pleasant face and he wore a dark blue brocaded suit with a bit of white lace and embroidery. She couldn’t place the voice, it was lower than she remembered but she could see the face clearly now.

“It’s me, Alwis, from the Nobles retreat...uh...4 years ago? My father is here about expanding our lands but I wanted to see you. She would remember Alwis from the retreat. She also remembered that they had shared more than a few kisses when no one was looking. He wore a sword on his hip and had filled out quite a bit since last she was him. They were the same age.

Calene really didn't want to be there, but she knew that it was apart of what was expected of her. Looking around she couldn't help but think of Deshane as she thought about what he had said about the nobles looking like peacocks. She smiled a little at the thought, but it also saddened her.

Suddenly, she heard a voice behind her. Turning around she found herself face to face with a face she recognized, although he was older now. She remembered Alwis from the retreat and also the private kisses they had shared. They had been young at the time and he certainly looked older now. She hadn't seen him in years.

"Of course, Alwis," she replied. "It is good to see you again. I hope you've been well."

He bowed and flourished in a gesture of utmost respect but he also did it in a mocking way. Overt and borderline outlandish. It came off as quite amusing if she could be amused right then. Then he just waved it all away. Alwis hated decorum. He failed that part of their classes every time. He had been quite the prankster during those short weeks at the retreat. To the chagrin of their counselors. What he really wanted to be was a Thespian. He loved acting and he had a lovely voice. All the girls simply adored him but he never seemed to notice that. He had noticed her though. And she remembered he was a very good kisser to boot. He saw that she wasn’t smiling though.

“I heard,” he began in one of his haughty voices. “That you were taken and a ransom demanded for your return, 10 thousand gold was it? I’d not pay more than 5 thousand for a woman that won’t smile,” he said in a joking tone. Hardly a thing to joke about but that was Alwis. Always inappropriate and he always did what you never expected.

Calene very nearly rolled her eyes at his bow, but she suppressed the urge as best she could. She was not amused and still not in the mood to smile. She wasn't entirely certain she would ever smile again. His next comment however ensured that she wouldn't smile. Her gaze narrowed slightly at him as her anger grew.

"How dare you? I doubt you would much feel like smiling after having been kidnapped. I had a burlap bag placed over my head and could barely breath. I was beaten and kicked and my hands and feet were tied so tightly they left deep marks. Oh...and they threatened to rape me if I made any sound. So forgive me if I am still upset. Something like that is not very easy to get over."

Her onslaught had taken Alwis aback. It was obvious to him that she still was upset about what happened to her but he also knew that nothing besides a switching and threats had really happened to her.

“Pfft, a holiday compared to boot camp,” He gestured as if what she had said was no big deal. He knew he was getting to her. That had been his intention all along. “Calene...you’re alive, in one piece and you’re sulking? Have I taught you nothing?” he asked in a mock huff. Nothing ever seem to get to Alwis. He had suffered set backs like everyone else in his life but he always seemed to see the brighter side of things. “Besides...I...have been given permission to court you,” he said as he acted as if he was god's gift to any woman.

Alwis' dismissal of what had happened to her upset her even more. She clenched her fists slightly and had to force herself to relax them. Hearing that he had been given permission to court her actually upset her after what he had just said.

"Yes, I'm alive due to Deshane who risked his life to save me and was injured in the process. I don't recall hearing that you came out to try and find me. You may court me all you want, but in the end it is my decision Alwis."

He could see that she was angry and that his usual charm wasn’t in it for her today. He had actually heard of Deshane and knew many people respected him. Now more than ever for finding her. In mock outrage he placed his hands on his hips then narrowed his eyes at her.

“So, what you’re saying is...I got a chance!” He said excitedly, unwilling to allow her to get to him. He stepped away from her actually skipping like a fool as he disappeared behind others that came to speak to her.

If Alwis was her best option Calene wanted to cry. Perhaps she had liked him at one point in her life, but things had changed and now she wanted someone different. The rest of court was draining for Calene and she was glad when she finally was able to get away. She needed to get outside and she walked out to the gardens with her guards following behind.

The gardens were a very peaceful place. Gardeners hardly ever spoke and those that sat and read or slowly walked like she was rarely spoke. As some flowers and plants no longer bloomed, others did depending on the time of year. The gardens had been designed to have something for someone all year round. Now Honey blossoms, Plum thistle and other lovely flowers were in full bloom. A gardener, an elderly man with kind, blue eyes barely any hair left on his head bowed to her. He took in a deep breath obviously pleased at his work.

“You like Honey Blossoms?” he asked. Something that was very rare here. If she nodded he’d elaborate. “Such a delicate, lovely flower Princess yet no matter if the frost kills their blooms and weeds strangle them they keep coming back each year without fail,” he said happily though he noticed she didn’t look very happy right then. “It’s the bees Princess. Most people I find hate bees not me though. Annoying they may be they come back every year, over and over without fail. And the blooms come back each year to greet them. Without the bees, the blooms won’t return. Without the blooms, there are no bees to make us honey,” he explained as he took in their sweet scent. He smiled at her and tilted his head and wondered...

“If I may be so bold Princess, find your bee and make as much honey as you can. Life is fleeting, isn’t it?” he said then bowed to her once more and stepped away to another set of blooms then got back to working on them.

OOC-Were we still going to have Deshane return? I don't think Calene would actually go out and track him down since he rejected her. She couldn't bare the thought of being rejected a second time.

ooc: he will, not capable to stay away though he tried to. I was hoping that the gardener helped her see that Deshane was her Bee and that she would have to trust that, if he were her bee, he'd return. I feel if she believed that, she could relax and cheer up.

OOC-That was what I was thinking.

IC-Calene had been to these gardens many times. The gardens offered her a place to go to enjoy the fresh air and sunlight. She could truly think there, while enjoying the beauty of the different flowers. She had stopped to admire the Honey Blossoms when one of the gardeners, an older man she had seen many times before, spoke to her about them. She lightly reached out and touched one of them as thoughts of Deshane filled her mind once more. She wondered if he would ever come back to her. She knew that she mustn't loose all hope just yet. She knew he cared for her as she did him. She had seen it in his eyes...tasted it in his kisses....heard it in his voice. She looked up and across the horizon, wondering where he was at that moment...and wondering if he was thinking of her as she was him.

No matter what Deshane did, where he went or who he saw he could not get Calene out of his thoughts. At first he had kissed her to distract her away from the fear and concern she had for the men who were chasing them and from what they had done to her. It was a good tactic but it wasn’t long before those kisses began to mean more than they were first meant to. He was older than she, he could nearly be her father but he didn’t feel like a father to her. Not even an uncle or a brother either. No, what he felt for her had dig into his brain and seeped deep into his bones. His dreams were erotic and uncensored and they always seemed to include her. He had tried for over a week now to let her go but something inside of him would not.

Leaving Calene was like leaving apart of him behind. The best part. The part of him that was good and clean and strong. Before he realized what he was doing he looked down and saw his foot in the stirrup. He pulled himself the rest of the way up though and turned back the way he had come. Damn him for a fool…

Ooc-new thread incoming