If you love something...

It had been difficult for the girls to leave the only home they had ever known, but Calista promised them that they would be well taken care of. She knew that Eldarion's grandfather would ensure they were looked after, but in her heart she knew that it was going to be extremely difficult for her to leave them. Jenna rode with her, while Min rode with Eldarion. They stopped frequently to give the girls breaks and Calista actually smiled to see them run around and laugh. At night, the two girls would lie with Calista and she would hold them protectively. They had a hard time sleeping so Calista would sing to them softly until they fell asleep. She would then lie there watching them and gently stroking their hair. She told herself that she could not bring them back to Minas Tirith and that they would ultimately be happier in Gehenna, but she still continued to imagine bringing them to the city and having dresses made for them and turning them into little princesses.

More than once he caught Min enjoying the ride. He also heard Jenna, who turned out to be quite the little chatterbox as they rode. She asked all sorts of questions and Calista always seemed to have an answer for her. Hey weren’t able to approach any more homesteads right then. Both he and Calista agreed that the risk was too great for the girls and also whenever Calista was not in their site the girls went into a panic. Eldarion didn’t blame them for that, they lost alot, more then they deserved for certain sure. They ate alot and only after a day and a night Min began to poke her head out and look around. He caught her smiling also especially when he played at her piggy with his badger he had carved long before the piglet. It had taken time to untangle their hair but it seemed to him that Calista enjoyed the process though by the winces and frowns the girls didn’t quite so much. However they enjoyed looking at themselves in the mirror she produced and she expertly braided their hair for them. It shined like the sun when it was cleaned and brushed properly. For that she got a kiss and a hug before they cuddled with her on the pallet. All 4 guardsmen fetched water and did everything else they were asked for the girls without question or complaint. Rory even took down a deer and on their last night out they ate very very well and Calista even graced their camp with a few well sung songs.

The village loomed ahead, today Jenna rode with him and Min rode with Calista. The guards ran ahead to inform Conleth and Serethiel about their coming and the two extra mouths to feed. The girls seemed...nervous when they saw they were heading toward the village. Min grabbed harder onto Calista and Jenna whispered her concerns to Eldarion.

“Who lives here? Are they nice? Where will we stay? Are you going to leave us to? On the last he just told her to calm down and reassured her everything would be fine. Ofcourse Calista had heard her and he saw it was all she could do to stop herself from breaking down right then and there. As they rode along the main cobbled street he wondered if he didn’t ‘owe’ Calista what he knew she wanted. He had brought her alot of pain but taking in these 2 girls...it was a lifetime of responsibility and he and Calista were still so young.

The closer they got to Gehenna, the sadder Calista became. She did her best to hide it from the girls, especially from Min, who was younger and seemed more timid. Her heart and her mind battled against one another. Her mind told her that these girls would be happier here, but her heart felt happy having them near her. She wanted children...a baby to hold in her arms and sing to. She wanted to brush their hair and tickle them until their faces turned red from laughter. She wanted to take them through the gardens and read to them at night while they sat on her lap. She wanted all of this...now. But she knew Eldarion wasn't ready. He was young and still desired a life free of that responsibility. What he didn't realize was that it was far more difficult for her. While she had duties of her own, she spent a majority of days trying to figure out how to fill the time. Her primary job was being Eldarion's wife, but she was also expected to bear his children and then spend her time raising them. Before leaving on this trip they had argued over when to start a family. Ultimately, Calista gave in to his desires to wait...although not happily.

She looked over to see Jenna with Eldarion. He was a natural father and her heart swelled as she watched him. She could see him in her mind teaching their children how to ride or hold a sword. She could picture their daughter crawling up into his lap at night when she was supposed to be in bed. She could see him slipping their children sweets just before dinner when she wasn't looking...

She sighed softly and looked ahead as Gehenna drew ever closer. She had become very well familiar with the large village during her stay there recently and was looking forward to seeing Conleth and Serethiel, who had become like another set of grandparents to her. However, she wished that the circumstances could be different...that she knew that the girls would be leaving with them...

Conleth and Serethiel greeted them all warmly. Even so Jenna and Min remained apprehensive. Min clinged almost desperately to Calista and though they had eaten well the last few days she was still far too thin and light for her age. As if they were their own daughters, Eldarion introduced them formally to his grandparents. The guards had informed them what had happened and Serethiel had already begun to fawn all over Jenna.

“Oh, but you have such lovely hair Jenna,” she said in a practiced motherly tone that made Jenna blush. Conleth though was not a small man and his imposing size seemed to frighten Min a great deal and she began to wail when Calista had left her on the saddle only long enough so she could dismount. Right after Min clung to her in near panic, unsure of what was really happening. It took most of the afternoon but the girls finally calmed down though alot of that had to do with a good deal of herbal tea and cookies. They were so tired from the riding and their full bellies that they fell asleep and hardly stirred when he and Calista carried them from the kitchen to the guesthouse where they laid the girls out on the large bed. Jenna opened her eyes for a moment but then closed them again when she felt the comfortable bed and soft pillow under her head. They closed the door to the room and moved to the kitchen to talk. Before he said anything he kissed Calista passionately for a long, drawn out moment. He pulled away and then looked deeply into her beautiful eyes for a time.

“What are we going to do?” he asked her. ‘Asked’ her as if she had the answers for the both of them.

It took some time, but slowly the girls began to relax around Conleth and Serethiel, although it had taken quite a few cookies. Even so, Min refused to leave her side and every time she got up to walk somewhere Min was holding onto her skirt. Finally, both girls fell asleep and they carried them to a room in the guesthouse and placed them both in the same bed. They quietly walked out of the room and to the kitchen, but before a word was spoken Eldarion grabbed her and kissed her quite passionately. She kissed him back slightly, although it was clear that she was still upset. She looked at him when he asked her what they were going to do. She was quiet for a long while before finally speaking.

"My heart doesn't want to be parted from them," she finally admitted. "I want to take them home with us and make our home their home. I want to sing to them and brush their hair and have new dresses made for them. However....my mind is telling me that they should remain here. I know that they would easily find a happy home here and a lot of children to play with. I know ultimately that the reason I want to bring them back with me is a selfish one...because I want to start a family...and I shouldn't do that to them. I should do what's right for them...not what would make me happy."

As Eldarion listened he quickly realized he was in it now. Each word seemed to tighten his collar by the inch until he could barely breath. He could not deny that he liked playing with Min and telling Jenna about the world. He did love that but now...was he truly ready for that step? Was she? He pulled her close.

“Why would our home be less than anyone elses? I had always planned on children, perhaps right not this moment but this is the moment we are in, isn’t it?” he was about to ask about her wanderlust but it was apparent now that the children had seemingly washed that all out. He owed her more than he could ever repay her in his lifetime. A small price to give her what she feels she wants here and now he thought.

“And who says we won’t give them little brothers and sisters to play with anyway? I thought you wanted to have children with me. I will not turn these children out when I know we can do as good a job at raising them as anyone else. They’ve suffered so much...I...I couldn’t do that to them. They are our responsibility now,” he said though he could hardly believe what he was saying. Yet the words just kept coming out of him. “You know this as much as I,” he said in a knowing tone. It was they that had taken their father and 2 older siblings from them.

Calista was quiet as she listened to Eldarion. She couldn't believe what he was saying. He had been the one arguing against starting a family now...and now here he was saying that they should take Jenna and Min home with them and raise them as their own. For a second she nearly said yes...but he would see her suddenly hesitate. She was quiet another moment before speaking gently and with the sound of heartbreak in her voice.

"Serethiel was talking to me in the kitchen about this couple here who have been trying for 10 years to have a baby, but she's been unable to conceive. They desperately want a family and this could be their only chance. I...I don't know if I could take this opportunity away from them when it is very likely that you and I will be happily blessed."

A look of concern grew on his face as he now listened to her. Was she actually prepared to give them up so easily? And wasn’t that what he really wanted? If it was why did her words upset him so.

“Calista...fate is about give and take. We were fated to find these girls and to take them with us. This couple you speak of was denied the ability to have children for good or for bad. And who is to say that you and I won’t have trouble conceiving? Do you want to just leave little Min and Jenna behind? To give them hope yet again and tear it away...again. Are you prepared to do that?” he asked. He had to know one way or another. Regret was difficult to cleanse from your soul once the stain of it settled in. He knew that truth well.

Eldarion's words started to truly upset her. She felt hot, angry tears start to come to her eyes as she looked at him.

"Do you delight in making things horrifically difficult for me? Before we left on this trip I asked you about the possibility of starting a family when we got back and we ended up having a terrible argument over it because YOU told me YOU weren't ready. Then, the guards kill Jenna and Min's family and YOU tell me that instead of taking them with us back to Minas Tirith that WE needed to take them to Gehenna where they would be well cared for. I have done everything YOU have asked of me and as difficult as it is I had already resigned myself to the fact that they would be staying here. Serethiel and Conleth have found a good home for them...a couple desperately wanting children, but that can't have any of their own...and now YOU are making me feel even more guilty for leaving them here?!"

OOC-She's a little upset lol

Her words were bitter and cutting. More surprising was how bad they had hurt him. She was acting like he can somehow predict the future. He was not perfect. What had happened was proof of that. Now what she was accusing him of...he knew it was just anger and frustration talking but it cut into him no less harsh as a knife would into his belly. He lowered his hands to his sides and released her as all of the softness from his face drained away and was replaced by a stern reassignment. He nodded then took a step back from her.

“Do what you want and throw it all in my face if it helps you sleep at night Calista, put the blame all on me...again!” he said in an angry tone as he drew up on her, close to her face. But he wished he could take those words back and his anger. They hit very close to him insinuating that his infidelity was partly her fault. He knew it was not, his actions were his alone but life was not always so cut and dry he had come to learn. What he needed was some air before he just exploded at her. He backed down.

“We had to come here regardless to resupply…” And he stopped himself from trying to explain further then turned to leave.

Calista's eyes widened at his words. Was he blaming her for what he had done? She suddenly felt as if he had punched her in the stomach. She found it difficult to breathe and had to look away from him as tears filled her eyes. Despite the fact that he had chosen to cheat on her she had felt incredible guilt over the entire situation. He had suggested she stay and train in Gehenna...but somehow it was her fault that she hadn't been there when he had needed her. As he turned to leave he would hear her begin to sob.

It took all that he had to keep moving forward but he managed it and he left her there. He wandered around the town a while. He didn’t really know where he was headed, nor did it really seem to matter to Eldarion. His world was falling apart and there was little he knew to do to stop it. He wasn’t even sure if Calista even loved him anymore. Not after what he had done. Something was ‘changed’ in their relationship after the dust settled and he found himself at his grandfather’s stables.

Should he just go? And leave her here? What his parents might think no longer really mattered to him right now. He did nothing to make Calista’s life happier. He only just made her sad or disappointed her. It seemed to him that he made his own evil to fight. No more were the deeds of hero’s against a real shadow.

“You takin red out this late?” Conleth asked. Eldarion looked down and saw that he had his own saddle in his hands next to Red.

Jenna had heard something, she wasn’t sure what and decided to go out of the room to see. She was still sleepy but she saw Calista crying and came up to her.

“Oh...don cry Calista,” she said in her little voice and she came over to give her a hug. “I hear you fightin with Eld-ar-in...Ma and pa used ta fight sum an then she died. Pa used ta tell us that afer she died he couldn’t rememer what they’s always fightin o’er jus tha he misses er now...well...he used ta I guess,” she said as she tried to wipe tears from Calista’s face as if she were the elder. “I sees Min smilin at him...an I ain’t seein er do that in...oh, forever maybe,” she said with a gesture.

Calista had sunk down into a chair at the kitchen table as she cried into her hands. She then heard something and she looked up to see Jenna standing there. She realized that she must have woken her up. As the little girl hugged her she felt her heart break in her chest. She wanted to scoop her up into her arms and tell her that she and her sister were coming home with them, but she knew that she and Eldarion still had a lot to work through. They needed to fix their marriage first before bringing in any children. She just hoped that Jenna and Min would somehow understand. She wiped the tears from her eyes and cheeks and took Jenna's hands into her own and looked at her with a smile.

"Serethiel was telling me today about a really nice couple who live here who haven't been able to have any children of their own. She and I thought it would be a wonderful idea for you and Min to go and live with them. They have a lot of land for you and Min to run around on and they have horses and sheep and chickens and dogs and cats and you and Min could each have your own room. Eldarion and I would come and visit you both as often as we could. There are lots of children here you both could play with too."

Jenna sighed but then nodded in understanding. “Min’s not gunna be happy,” she said in a warning tone. “Ya think I’ll git my own kitty cat?” she asked enthusiastically. “I’ve always wantin one...always!” She said excitedly and she smiled. “Were is Eld-ar-in? Does he know we stayin?” She asked now resigned to whatever was going to happen. She no longer was so afraid and worried. She was more saddened that her new...Calista and Eld-ar-in were going to go away. Finally Min came out of the bedroom sleepily rubbing her eyes. Without hesitation she crawled up into Calista’s arms, in her hand was the little piglet Eldarion had carved for her.

“Well ya can’t solve problems by leaving them in your dust son,” Conleth told him. “You’ve owned up to what you did, if she accepted you back then so be it. If she didn’t then she’d not be with you I’d expect,” he said as he put the saddle back. “I don’t think it's all quite that simple Grandfather...she’s...I don’t think she really knows what she wants. One moment its a family, the next its to travel and see the world. I thought I didn’t really want a family but then these 2 girls fell into our lap and...well...I kinda liked being a father...well, a father figure anyway. But it just seemed to make her angry that I wanted it,” he said and threw up his hands. “Understanding women son is like understanding the weather. Right when you think you got them figured out….WHAM, a storm comes and knocks you on your butt!” He said as he slapped his hands together. “You need to figure out your own feelings about her I think. Those are the only ones you are going to truly understand,” he continued. Eldarion only nodded in thought in response. “We got to know Calista pretty well son. Part of her needs you to be proud of her. I don’t really know why but there it is. She worked hard to get back to you as soon as she could and it hit her hard when you did what you did. Now, she’s been talking to Serethiel. We can give you wagons, supplies and drivers and more guards for some of that gold. Fair wages and prices mind,” he said and held up a stout finger. “We have plenty and good paying work is not always easy to come by. We’ll get you stocked up as you head west. Lots of folks in need after the war. It's a good thing the King’s doing. And I know you’ll see it done lad,” he said in a sure tone.

That day carts, horses, guards and men to drive the carts were being assembled. Over half the gold was now gone but what they had to give were clothes, furs, tools, pottery clay, seedlings, fat, salt, spices, leather, string, twine, tools, weapons, smithing equipment, pots, pans, pins, needles, bottles, medicines and much much more. They won’t be able to help everyone but some would be better off this year. In a large way he was doing exactly as Calista suggested. She had berated him for coming here but he knew why. Saying goodbye to those girls was NOT going to be easy. Not by any stretch of the word.

That morning while he and his grandfather were out getting supplies, Serethiel came to see Calista and the girls. She brought sandwiches and cookies ofcourse and some tea. As the girls sat at the table and ate she pulled Calista aside. “Why is it that when women have a bone to pick with their men do we end up sitting at home alone weeping and they are out in the barn yapping with the horses? Conleth didn’t come in until this morning. He tells me you and Eldarion had a fight?” she said then tapped her shoulder. “I have a dry shoulder right here, whenever you need it my dear,” she said in a soft tone. “He wouldn’t say what it was all about so if you don’t want to talk about it, well, thats quite alright my dear,” she said sweetly in the manner of older women.

Calista put both girls back to bed and then waited up for Eldarion, but he never came back. The following morning she got the girls up and gave them a proper bath. Serethiel had given her some new clothes for them the day before and she dressed them in the new clothes and brushed out their hair. She wanted them to look their best when they met the Flintwoods.

Just as she was finishing up Serethiel arrived with tea and some sandwiches and cookies. The girls immediately went for the cookies, but Calista told them to each have a sandwich first. As the girls ate, Serethiel pulled her aside to talk to her. She sighed and felt a lump grow in her throat.

"I think Eldarion blames me in a way for what happened....he all but said it directly last night. I...I don't even know if he still truly loves me or even wants me as his wife anymore. I thought that starting a family would make things better...but I don't think it would. I...I just don't know what to do."

Serethiel rubbed at her upper arm in consolation. “Guilt does strange things to men. At its worst it makes them just plain idiots. It rots their brains if it lingers on too long and they get to thinking that they are not deserving of the love we have for them...the fools,” she said in consternation. “Seems to me that you’ve got him in a good place. He doesn’t know up from down right now. But you’d be more the fool if you didn’t see how much he loves you,” she said as she slid her hand down and gave hers a squeeze. “You can’t ignore when a wagon wheel is broken. The cart won’t move so good if you try and continue on. Men only know how to fix things if it involves their muscles...women now…” she said and pointed at Calista’s head. “I’ve seen you track a wounded wolf for miles in the rain. A woman that can do that can do anything I think,” she said confidently.

As Calista listened to Serethiel she felt a few tears stream down her cheeks. She had thought that their relationship had been fixed, but it seemed that there were more repairs to be made. Serethiel was right, however. She loved Eldarion, despite everything that had happened, and that meant not hiding from him or giving up. She couldn't do that...not if she wanted to fix their marriage. She hugged her.

"Thank you...for everything."

That afternoon the girls met the Flintwoods, Henry and his wife Susan ran a small farm just on the outskirts of the town. Jenna played along expertly even giving Susan a hug..and the cats...and dogs...and piglets and just about anything she could manage to catch. 

Eldarion had not shown up yet however Conleth and Serethiel did. The only problem was that Min wasn’t having any of this. She screamed when Susan tried to pick her up nor Henry. She allowed Serethiel to hold her hand but whenever anyone besides Calista tried she screamed bloody murder. Finally Eldarion arrived. He looked visibly tired but he picked up Min immediately and she did seem to brighten with him. 

“They played Badger and Piglet while Jenna and Susan talked about how nice her room was.

Calista was still quite upset and stressed over the situation, but she put on a smile for the girls and tried to remain strong outwardly when in fact this was the hardest thing she had ever done. She really liked the Flintwoods and could imagine the girls playing on the farm. Jenna seemed to settle right in, but Min did not. Calista knew that she needed to separate herself from Min in order to give Susan a chance of getting close to Min. She was trying that when Eldarion showed up and picked her up. She sighed a little, but let him hold her. She watched as Susan showed Jenna her room and Jenna seemed genuinely overwhelmed by it all. However, she knew that they still needed to win over Min.

"Do you have any cookies?" Calista suddenly asked. "Min loves cookies."

Serethiel did have cookies and gave several to Susan to give to Min. Eldarion held Min’s hand as Susan gave her a cookie. As she ate it and played with her sister Eldarion backed up. He looked at Calista and knew how hard this all was for her as well. Serethiel nodded to them but as Calista and Eldarion began to back away further Min began to cry again. She hadn’t just started to wail she began to call after her, “Muh Muh...Muh muhhhhh!” She wailed and ran back over to Calista. As Calista picked her up Eldarion came over to them. In Jerky pants Min seemed to get her breath back and Eldarion produced the badger again. “Take it piglet...We have to go ok? But we’ll come back to play with little piggy alright?” He said and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Min started to cry again but he paused to allow Calista to say goodbye as well. With that he took her from Calista and though Min tried to hang onto her he managed to get Calista free and handed her to Susan. “Pa paaaaa!” She began to wail but Eldarion turned to face Calista. He held out his hand to her and when she took it he strode away with Min’s wails following them away from the farmhouse.

At first Calista thought everything was going smoothly. Min was eating the cookie Susan had given her and was closer to Susan than she had been before. Calista slowly started to back up with Eldarion to try and slip out, but Min spotted them and started to cry. She fought back her own tears as she picked her up and hugged her. She rubbed her back to try and calm her and sang softly in her ear. "We'll be back. I promise. Be good, ok?" She kissed her and then tried to put her down, but she wouldn't let go. Calista was close to breaking down and she was thankful when Eldarion came over and managed to break Min's grasp. As he handed Min over to Susan a few tears slipped down her cheeks and she forced herself to do the hardest thing she had ever done and walk out. Once outside she wrapped her arms around Eldarion and began to cry against his chest.

As Calista broke down, Eldarion have her points for holding out as long as she had, he just took her into his arms and carried her out of there. He set her down by their horses and held her to him until she was calmed down enough to ride. 

They had one last night there in town but the entire evening and night neither of them stirred from their bed. It wasn’t until the early morning light reply in through the curtains did they stir. Their men and two women who formed their van were waiting for them. As Calista and Eldarion unceremoniously took the lead the van headed out of the gates Westward toward Rohan where many people were in need of the supplies they carried.

OOC-Ready to move on?

Ooc-yep...that was so sad

OOC-Yeah, it was. But Calista and Eldarion will end up having children of their own. Did you have any thoughts on what you wanted to do next?